Ira's journey

Irusik 2011

2011-12-29T08:00:00.000Z

"You can look back, but don't stare..." that's what Take That sing about. It's time for the annual look back. As I start to write this, I'm not quite sure what 2011 was mainly about, maybe about change and overcoming a few things with making a bit of progress towards becoming a better person.

Make yourself a cup of tea and if you feel like a bit of stalking - here is your chance. I'll update this with pictures eventually (cause they're an important part of my life and everyone loves pictures, right?)

2010
2009
2008
2007

January
New Year was planned to be traditionally spent with A. and C. because B. ended up on a trip over the pond. Things didn't go quite as planned as A. fell very sick, C. decided to go his way, so me and G. ended up at Bee's for a quiet Happy New Year! We saw the wonderful Roman Holiday on big screen, also Blue Valentine, went on a trip to Canterbury, I started my swimming training for the 5K challenge for Swimathon in April and went to 3 (three) classical concerts - Budapest Philcarmonic and the LA Philcharmonic with the ever so so so magical Gustavo Dudamel.
Emo came to visit and A. left.

February
Is the time when the melt down finally happened. The thing is I have been going down the rabbit hole since November. Apparently my body decided it can't take anymore the musings of my mind and screamed at me it's better to look around and realize things aren't that bad after all. I ended up in hospital with the most scary allergic reaction, which turned out to be caused by nothing. Luckily I had my wonderful colleagues and friends to look after me and with the swimming to occupy my mind and body - things started to go sort of back to normal. I saw Paul, which was absolutely hillarious, almost as funny as going to watch a Dartford game and eating Maltesers and trying to warm up on a totally freezing February night.

March
After missing our NY celebrations B. came to visit! Also the idea of moving to Dubai had started to materialize more and more. Swimming, swimming and more swimming.

April
I did something scary - I went on a Speed Dating event. It was scary at first, than funny and at the end turned out to be not too bad. I flew to Dubai and home and missed all the hype and crowds surrounding the Royal Wddding simply to have the greatest time at home during Easter and be given great news from Z. I completed my 5K swim under 2 hours and overachieved my fundraising goal!

May
Traditionally sees the return of the Globe season. I visited one more new country - Germany!

June
Was the time to start saying good bye to London and be a tourist for the next few weeks. I said good bye to Y. who was one of my first friends in London as she left to Brazil on a very great adventure.

July
Saw a bunch of new movies as well as the brilliant Kavin Spacey as Richard III at the Old Vic. My last European trip was to Ireland, which was damp but still quite interesting.

August
I gave away my bike, packed my begs, cancelled all bills and left London. Traditionally August means home, birthday, sea and good times. I turned 30 and we celebrated with Z and her family. I went to Spirit of Burgas - and oh, what a great time I had! I was camping on the beach and want to do it next year all over again - the tent, the festival and the morning swim!

September
Almost as traditionally as August means new beginnings. I moved to Dubai, experienced what it's like to walk into a hot oven - like literally - it was so hot and humid I couldn't stay outside for more than 2 minutes. I moved into a really nice apartment and for the first time in my life I am living all by myself. I actually saw a jazz concert here (!), spent an awful lot of money and time at Ikea but at least have a proper bed and a couch for people to stay on.

October
I signed the papers for the car and now at the age of thirty I have my first serious debt. I passed the driving test and I started driving almost like the locals. The weather was getting better and better every day.

November
My honey moon with Dubai was over and I was slowly but surely starting to badly miss London with its concerts, theatres and above all people.

December
Saw my first trip 'abroad' - we went to Musandam which is part of Oman, I sent off the Old Year and celebrated the New with Coldplay. Saw numerous movies and above all kept reminding myself why I came over.

At the end of 2010 I wished for 2011 to be like this:

- ~~to read more~~ - I'll consider this done, as even 2 pages before sleep is 2 pages a day!
- ~~to continue seeing at least one movie every week~~ - oh boy! The movies have become my second home!
- ~~to be able to swim 2500 m of front crawl~~ - I swam 5000! And I can even now without too much training swim 2500 in an hour!
- ~~to shoot more and take a more concious approach towards my photography~~ - I did shoot more at the beginning of the year. I started 18% Grey even. Or was it the year before actually?
- to do more by hand - I did plant a few pots and also cook more, I also develop my own film, but would like still to invest more time in this
- to travel more - I visited Germany, the UAE and Ireland, not too bad.
- to meet new people - sort of. I changed countries, jobs and lifes.

For 2012:

- continue taking good care of my body by eating healthy and swimming, walking and yoga
- shoot and develop one roll of film every month and as an inspiration I will use the Guardian Monthly Assignment
- see at least one new movie every week
- use the sewing machine and bring at least one craft project to life every six weeks (film developing doesn't count)
- travel to new places - and here even new places in Dubai count
- make friends in Dubai and learn to enjoy the city
- make peace with myself and appreciate myself more by taking care of my body as well as my soul

May everything you wished for on New Year's Eve come true.
Love,
Ira

One month of desert living

2011-10-02T17:53:00.000+01:00

I took this picture on the first day in the office.
And this one - I took today.

It is today that one month ago I landed in Dubai. It has been one big roller coaster. I no longer pay attention to the heat or the humidity. I now owe a HUGE amount of IKEA furniture. I have passed my driving test, got my own flat, set up internet, bought furniture, mobile, I have seen the Dubai Mall fountains, I no longer get lost at the Mall of the Emirates and managed even to go to the movies once! I still haven't been to the beach though. And I still haven't put up the curtains or the bookshelves.

It has been a big change, which only now starts to settle into my head I am not leaving tomorrow or any time soon, to go back to my bike and SW9. To cycle in the rain to Union Street and laugh at Mark's jokes even when they are not funny. To go for afternoon tea, or to have someone stay over on the blue couch.

People say Yes, madam even when they really mean No. There is a man for everything here and they will even deliver McDonald's to the office or at home at midnight! Or come and pick up your shoes for repair only to return them the next day back to your door!

Here is to the next one month of desert living which should only get better with me now having a driving license and my alcohol license on its way!

How hot is hot?

2011-09-03T20:07:00.000+01:00

That's my first Dubai sunset. I have just experienced 46 degrees heat. A concept rather strange and unfamiliar to me. Heat like this before I have only experienced when standing next to the exhaust of an air conditioner for example, and just for a few seconds, not for a minute while walking through the car park to get into the car.

I suspect heat is THE one thing new comers talk about. I still feel wierd with it.Never in my life before had I have to take off my cardigan when going out and put it back on when going in. It's ok as long as you don't have to be in the heat for too long and you quickly hide into an air-conditioned place. Quite the same as cold in Europe in winter, really. I actually have more troubles with the air-con which has again given me a stuffy nose... I hate the thing...

First day at work tomorrow after a month off. Time to turn back that alarm clock on and change the weekend dates to Friday and Saturday.

Letting go

2011-08-01T22:43:00.000+01:00

So I am now officially unemployed or rather I am officially unemployed for a month. It has been three years since I joined PwC in London and what three years!

I wrote an article for our internal blog which was a reflection on my training for my 5k swim and a reflection on my three years with PwC. Bottom line is - stretching and going further is painful, but very rewarding at the same time. It makes you hungry for more and makes you want to explore your limits further. Makes you want to change swimming pools as well. The time to change my swimming pool has come.

I will be leaving behind friends and great times in probably the greatest city in Europe to experience life, culture, music, everything. In my three years here I've done almost anything - raging from Drama Classes, through Salsa leassons, to photography courses, swimming lessons, history walks, treasure hunts, endless number of classical music concerts, football matches, Wembley concerts, movies, exhibitions, museums, royal parades (I even saw the Queen and Kate Middleton!), walking around a museum dressed as cockroach even!

A part of me is crying and another part of me is looking forward to the personal shake up. I have realized that my brain keeps one priority at a time - during my swimming training it was swimming only and everything else became less important. I need the 'me time' that a move to Dubai will give me. London no matter how incredibly amazing and unique has a lot of 'noise' that kept taking me away from who I am and moving me towards who my surroundings wanted me to be.

London, I am officially deeply and forever in love with you. But I need the time to make sure who I am in order to come back to you and for us to be together again. Until than I have another week to enjoy you as never before.

I love you, London!

2011-07-26T20:45:00.000+01:00

The wierd and wonderful world of London.

I'm a cyclist just like you

2011-07-15T08:01:00.000+01:00

Dear lycra-wearing-custom-built-1000-pounds-bike morons,

I don't care when you jump the lights and put yourself into danger. I care when you jump from a red light on a side street when I am crossing on my green and you make me squeeze the breaks and almost come off my bike, when I have a bus right behind me!

I am a cyclist just like you and I am only cycling to work. I haven't taken the wrong turn from Tour de France and ended up on Kennington road like obviously you have done.

I care about my safety more than you do.

I wear a skirt and sandals, not lycra and clip shoes. But I am a cyclist just like you. And I want more people to be cycling and feel safe on the road.

Just like I am sure you do.

p.s. Not that any of you will come across this, but a cry at the universe might still be heard.

Take This!

2011-07-05T20:14:00.000+01:00

15-20 years ago there was a mass of teenage girls who were falling in love for the first time, having crushes for the first time, talking about boys and giggling in corners. Big dreams, high hopes, exciting life ahead! The biggest dilemma in life back than was should I where white or black and what did he really mean by saying see you later.

Life was easier, but we didn't know it. We thought life is over when we didn't get that one phone call or that one right look.

Those same girls today are maybe married, maybe divorced, maybe married, divorced and married again, have their own teenage kids, no longer believe in love or are madly in love. They are maybe still soul searching, but mostly found themselves. And when someone gives them a chance to have a glimpse of there teenage selves they gladly take it, embrace it and enjoy every bit of it.

Cause now we know life was easier back than and we have grown up to have all the freedom we wanted. We are happy to embrace our teenage selves with knowldge it's all good and will be better.

2011-02-20T21:41:00.000Z

we crash and burn, stumble and fall but never stop, just because we don't know how. we have been taught to move on. life doesn't finish tomorrow, not it starts tomorrow. life has started a long time ago. we talk about dreams and they feel scary because we have grown up and we haven't noticed it. we buy our own stuff, make our own decisions, we travel where we want, dress as we like. there's noone to tell us do this or don't do this. and we have failed to notice. life will take care of us. it always does.
come to the edge and jump, and you will fly.
believe.

Irusik 2010

2010-12-30T21:35:00.000Z

You know it is that time of the year... To be honest my personal year starts somewhere around August - September. That can be attributed to different reasons like my birthday for example. I will however stick to popular stereotypes. I did this in 2007, 2008 and 2009.

Get yourself ready to indulge in a bit of stalking.

January is usually about seeing off people who came over for New Year's and having fun with them as well. So we saw the Misanthrope with Keira Knightley and liked it.
I started my film photography course at St. Martin's and took one of my favourite shots of the year.

That one opened the completely new world of developing and printing. However was not worth the massive price tag. You can learn the same things much cheaper in Zoom-In for example.
It was also the beginning of my newly discovered passion for movies. So I saw Avatar at the BFI IMAX, Nine at the Electric Cinema, Did you hear about the Morgans and may be a few others which I don't remember. On another more down to earth note I stuck with my swimming lessons and also realized it might be about time to move out from the crowded though extremely cheap house in Stepney Green.

February saw two classical concerts: the New York Philharmonic and Yo Yo Ma both at the Barbican and one in the tiny Almeida with the magical Stephen Warbeck (that is the composer from Shakespeare in Love and Captain Corelli's Mandolin). Also a weekly trip to Greenwich for the great Jazz dance classes at the fantastic Laban building. I kept going to the movies at least once a week: Precious, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pirates of the Caribbean, Exit through the Gift Shop, A Bright Star.
Swimming lessons and 6 am yoga sessions were supposed to keep me in shape as well as the flat hunt which wasn't looking too good.

March was about the Vienna Philharmonic at the Barbican which was absolutely brilliantly exciting, as well as the charming Jack Lasky in Sweet Nohtings at the Young Vic. Apparently I didn't have much time about movies as I only saw Alice in Wonderland at the BFI IMAX and Green Zone. That's because the flat hunting was proving to extremely difficult with pushy agents (never, ever use Foxtons).
March in our family is the big celebration month: it is Baba Marta, 8th of March, my mum's, my cousin's and my sister's birthday. It is now also the birthday month of the newest addition to our family: my youngest cousin Lyudmil (named after his father).
We almost rented a place just to be told that the landlord pulled out (that's is bad karma for you, Sir!). Until luck finally worked and we found Charlie and the two bedroom with a fire place where we moved just before...

April and my Easter trip home. Any trip home in spring is like a new beginning a great way to recharge, stop for a while and enjoy spring in full swing. It is also about meeting old friends and having a great time. So that's what I was doing: went to Varna, had a blast from the past at our 10 anniversary from graduating from high-school and drinking rakia on Easter till 5 am.

I started settling in SW9 and my life changed to the better. Also thanks to the fact that I was finally given my new permanent contract! I bought my bike, started shopping most of my veg & fruit at the local Saturday market, signed up for a new swimming course and the only cultural activity that was possible to fit into this busy schedule was Lord of the Rings live with the London Phil at the Royal Albert Hall.

May was about Cesaria Evora concert at the Barbican and Roman Bath at the Arcola and also about swimming and starting to cycle to work. As well as a lot of goodness from the Oval Farmers' Market. Oh, yes, and of course Sex and the City 2!

June saw the coming of the World Cup and me miserably failing (just as miserably as the England team in fact) the office predictions. I also managed to sit through the almost 4 hours long Kurosawa Seven Samurai. Had yet another fun day at Sam's Day at the Globe. Managed to go to two Open House events which is an absolute success: the Swedish Embassy (and I also had a cake there! as well I was capable to almost screm during the King's Speech that I know where they have been filming!) and the Bank of England (where you are greeted by a man in a waist coat and top hat!). I also saw Robin Hood the best part of which was perhaps the half-naked Russell Crow and Whatever Works the best part of which was the end. June also saw the beginning of developing at home and with it the birth of 18% Grey which my place for sharing my misfortunes and success in shooting and developing b&w at home.

July saw some of the most dramatic World Cup moments and the rise of Paul the Octopus. It was also my last visit to Fentiman's Arms after getting completely smashed with By on a very hot Saturday, while By was very very quietly celebrating German's win. My documentary photography course at Zoom-In began and with it the adventure called the Di Lieto Bakery project. I saw The Tempest and As You Like It at the Old Vic as part of the Bridge Project and absolutely loved them. It was an intense theatre month as I also saw Teh Beauty Queen of Leenaan, probably the best play I have seen this season! I was also totally lucky to win a tour of the Olympic Park and was one of the first to enter the completed Velodrom! And I also managed to see Toy Story 3!

August was mainly about spending three weeks at home doing nothing and sleeping in a tent for the first time in my life. It is also the month when I took probably best 2010 portrait. Movies: Gainsbourg.

September: The absolute humiliation of the Bulgarian football team at Wembley and taking my dad to a football match may be for the first time in nearly 20 years. I went to the Clarence House Garden party which was alright. I wonder if next year Kate Middleton will be serving tea there... We also had fun during the Away Days with the office and I managed to spoil three rolls of film before I realized my developer has apparently expired.

October brought Behind the Image and Printing courses which were fun and a good opportunity to experiment after a while. Katya Bykova stayed over and OMG how much fun we had! Saw the Social Network and it is indeed one of the best movies this year. The Teresa Careno Youth Orchestra is just as much fin as the Simon Bolivar Orchestra and make sure you see them! On the professional development bit: I became a certified Prince2 professional (that a Project Manager). Personally it was a month of endless amounts of emails, lots of misunderstandings and also me swimming 1700 m of front crawl for the first time!

November was about a lot of realizations and aha moments. One of which made me appreciate myself again. I saw Cambridge finally, enjoyed the splendid Spira Mirabilis and Bonfire night on Blackheath. My mum came to visit and we also visited Nottingham with the oldest inn England. I saw London from the top of St. Paul's and enjoyed the Lord Mayor's show with its ever great fireworks. Finally got back to see a play and was great fun: The Real Thing at the Old Vic. One last trip for 2010 to the BFI IMAX for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows.

December saw Cebula's coming to town and meeting each other for the first time in two years. Some extremely great movies: Catfish, The King's Speech, Love & Other Drugs (I wonder if they wait on purpose till the end of the year to release the best movies.). Traditionally it is the month of my very own personal Christmas tradition: the Southbank singalong which was a bit disappointing this year, but still was there.
The best news of December is that Geri has finally moved to town and Alyssa is back again for our now traditional NY celebrations.

I think that altogether my life has changed to the much better in 2010. I am grateful for me and all my family and friends being healthy and I wish it to remain that way in 2011.

For 2011 I will do my best:
- to read more
- to continue seeing at least one movie every week
- to be able to swim 2500 m of front crawl
- to shoot more and take a more concious approach towards my photography
- to do more by hand
- to travel more
- to meet new people

With my best wishes for all your 2011 wishes to come true,
Ira

picture by Ivan

Catfish or reality looks overrated when you are online

2010-12-14T21:41:00.000Z

I was planning to repair a puncture on my bike, but here I am sharing about Catfish.

I think this can easily be my movie of the year. As I am not too good in reviews and plot summaries this is what IMDb has to say about the plot:

In late 2007, filmmakers Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost sensed a story unfolding as they began to film the life of Ariel's brother, Nev. They had no idea that their project would lead to the most exhilarating and unsettling months of their lives. A reality thriller that is a shocking product of our times, Catfish is a riveting story of love, deception and grace within a labyrinth of online intrigue.

The thing I have to say about the movie however is that we are all a little bit not ourselves online. It is our most sacred inner desire to be liked, to be loved and appreciated. At the end of the day this is what we all want. I had previously translated an article from Russian and this movie just comes to prove it. When we try so hard to be someone else we end being a monster and disappointing ourselves above all.

We have become so accustomed to competition, to the constant need to prove ourselves, to show everyone we are better and worth so much more that we have stopped a long time ago being honest online. And can you really be honest online? Is it not that words only pass on 30% of a message? The rest is indeed passed through body language, intonation, how someone's voice sounds, how someone looks at you.

Doesn't the fact that when you finally meet someone and he doesn't touch you (and I mean here friendly touch, I-am-getting-close-cause-I-feel-comfortable-touch, not the I-want-to-get-laid-kind-of-touch) says so much more about how he feels about you than him writing a thousands messages and constantly 'liking' every single picture and FB status you have?

It does indeed. And we all do it. All the time. We pretend to be someone else and we also get upset when people don't turn out to be what we imagined them to be.

Altogether the movie I think is a wake up call and calls for conversations around who we really are online, what is honesty, how much do you trust. Because at the end of the day you can't completely shut down. There is no way of meeting new people without being opened.

And I really looking at myself. I have been moving around for the past 9 years. So I have been making and leaving friends behind. And making friends takes time, lots of time, and effort, and shared experiences. With where I am at the moment the only place I can meet new people is if I do an endless amount of courses, hobbies, clubs, random talks on the streets. Being the introvert I am, it is rather hard to see myself doing too much of the above. So where else can I meet people? On-line.... there.you.go. And the question is as in real life: how much do you share, how much do you say about yourself, how much do you give into the whole experience, where do you stop, and how do you know it is time stop....

Too many questions altogether.

Being honest for starters always helps. With ones self above all.

Go see Catfish. It is more real than real life.

Love

2010-12-09T22:10:00.000Z

Whenever someone famous passes away, people all of a sudden remember them and start rediscovering them. Now you can go on forever how big Michael Jackson was, or his music, etc. I don't really have an opinion on that. I just saw the video below on this is such a fine example of how to make a video just to show how much you loved someone and cared about them. It is not about how great MJ was, it is just full of simple people, kids, everyone, smiling, dancing, dressing up like him, doing his dance moves...
Brilliant!

2010-12-01T22:13:00.001Z

Each time after a failed relationship I start loving myself even more!
How cool is that!

One day I will be able to love someone just as much as I love myself.

Just a short list

2010-10-27T16:20:00.001+01:00

So here is just a short list of the awesome things that happened to me today:
- I woke up and I realized it better be an awesome day, so put on my brand new purple and pink tights
- I decided I am going to ride the bus to London Bridge to see the sunrise and have a walk through Borough Market (which if you didn't know is so cool on early morning!)
- I set next to a kid on the bus who offered we go jumping in the muddy puddles together. What a shame I wasn't wearing my wellies!
- I laughed and made jokes with Mark who is the awesomest manager anyone can dream of

What awesome things happened to you today?

New way of missing

2010-10-21T22:26:00.000+01:00

So I have just discovered a new way of missing someone... you know when they are not on-line, and you can't talk to them and when you are used to talk to them all day...
It actually made me laugh when I first thought about it :)

Hi, my name is Irina and I enjoy my life - a very, very backdated post :)

2010-10-20T22:19:00.001+01:00

Dear world,

this is what I wished for at the beginning of 2009. And following is what my year was like:

January

ABC in London - first edition. Never before have I visited so many restaurants in London in one week.

February

Morocco trip and realizing that I have the best friends in the world.

March

Overcoming my frustrations at work realizing that they soon will be all gone and I will start swimming instead of stumbliing and falling all the time.

Signing up for being a steward at the Globe

Chairing in Portugal

April

Easter trip to Wales with Yaga and driving on the other side of the road.

Great egg-painting event at home and being happy with my Bulgarian side again.

Seeing the Simon Bolivar Youth Orchestra of Venezuela with Gustavo Dudamel and discovering the amazing power of classical music, being speechless and stunned by what the SBYOV and Gustavo Dudamel do.

Meeting Yanitsa. My very own special Bulgarian friend in London.

May

Mum and dad in London. In most cases it is parents who bring their kids to the stadium to watch a football match. In my case it was the other way around :).

The Philharmonia Tchaikovski concert in the South Bank centre

The Comedy of Error's at the Globe

Going to Gothenberg all by myself, to see Gustavo Dudamel conducting Verdi's Requiem.

A bit disappointed by an Emir Kosturica concert at the Barbican, but amazing support from Ivo Papazov instead!

June

Late nights at the Globe with Romeo and Juliet

The Kodo drummers at the Southbank Centre

LSO Concert at Barbican

July

Much Ado about Nothing at the Central School of Speech and Drama

Stratford on a rainy Sunday and seeing the most beautiful rainbow in my life

Seeing the Seagull by the Factory Theatre and being a witness of theatre being created in front of my eyes.

Goran Bregovic bringing me to tears with his Band for wedding and funerals.

August

Macbeth on the square

My teenage years fascination Ethan Hawke a the Old Vic in Cherry Orchard.

Swan lake by the Mariinski Theatre at the Royal Opera House.

Queing at 5 am to see the best ever Hamlet in my life - Jude Law.

My first time ever big stadium concert - U2 at Wembley

Home!

Turning 28.

Three days of stolen happiness.

September

Geri in London

Ipek leaving for Turkey and Chacha moving finally in

Chicago symphony orchestra

Starting 6 am yoga sessions

October

Starting my journey with the Intro to Acting at CSSD and a bunch of brilliant individuals

Globe season closing with As You Like It and Love's Labours Lost

Factory's Hamlet

November

Bonfire night at Victoria's park

Cadogan Hall Mozart Requiem

Poland with mum

December
ABC in London - second edition

welcome to the real world

2010-10-15T23:15:00.000+01:00

I saw the Social Network last week, there was a phrase in how I want to be becomes I am on FB. I then I also came across a great article in Russian. I thought it is so great I set down and translated it.

The original article in case you can read and understand Russian and my translation is below.

Simulacra and Simulation

If you look around, it turns out that the world is populated by Thingumys and Bobs.

A friend dropped by accident a pair of scissors in the washing machine and those spinning in it have made holes in his favourite shirt. Our mutual friend, trying to console him made a joke that this is the cheaper version when your ex-girlfriend in a fit of jealousy cuts all your expensive shirts. This cheered my friend up and in the evening he wrote in English on Twitter how he is taking out of the washing machine his shredded Hugo Boss shirts and on went the joke about the ex-girlfriend. “This is my joke and he has only one proper shirt, I know for sure.” Our mutual friend complained the next day. We started at first blaming our friend, but soon we realized that it was a reasonable behaviour. The silly mishap became a 140 characters essay on human nature and brought joy to 78 people in different parts of the world (and this is not counting those who read the retweets). A moderately funny joke has gained immortality. And as far as the shirt is concerned – who has more than one normal shirt these days anyways?

According to Facebook status updates all my friends live on airplanes flying from one interesting place to another. Do hell of a lot of reading, re-watch Godard by night and drink champagne in the morning. They masterfully cook something and eat it with pleasure immediately. Their lives are full of paradoxes and lucky coincidences. Rare failures, mistakes and the sudden fever cast just a mere shadow over the course of their otherwise brilliant lives, not allowing them to finally turn into monuments of their own coolness. I hate them all.

The exception – those who I sometimes meet personally. About them I actually know they are boring and borrow 150 rubels until pay day. The airplanes are not taking them where they want, but where it happened to take them. They are in a mid life crisis (especially those at the age of 25) and have a job where they sit until 2 am finishing something they should have finished a week ago. If you stop by on a weekend it will turn up they are lying on the floor and are watching the rerun of Dady’s daughters (a Russian sitcom). They take anti-depressants. They are losing weight and do not pay back their loans. They talk non-sense, but more often do non-sensical things. You cannot help liking them, especially reading the kind of stuff they write about themselves on Facebook.

Social networks of course are not the ones to blame. The habit of loving and hating not the actual person, but rather their personally created phantoms appeared a thousand years before Twitter. From early childhood we are taught to consider poor writers bad people, and the good ones – role models eventhough their biographies show it is the other way around most of the times. Not a long time ago on the St. Petersburg - Moscow train I met one of the worst directors in the country, could be even in the world. He turned out to be a most likeable person, a fan of Morrissey and the Riga Film Studio movies about the capitalist countries. Approaching Leningrad train station, we simultaneously confessed to each other that before this meeting we considered each other monsters, we than exchanged a hug and our phone numbers.

Wasting half our lives to look smarter and better we naturally forget that the freak that comes out as a result – is not really us. It is not us on the NTV channel who are talking in such a manner as though someone has pinched our nuts. It is not us who half an hour before the deadline ridicule an old filmmaker who has shot a harmless non-sensical movie. It is not us who are loudly commenting on things that we have no idea about and make sharp jokes in a situation where it might be better to shut up. We are actually better, and if not better than at least easier to understand and more touching. Even Putin is, even George Bush is, even the girl, who is once again photographing her legs on a Leica camera is.

And here is my brighter self...

2010-10-10T21:51:00.001+01:00

You know what, there are things in life you just should get on with. There is no point thinking, re-thinking, analysing and over analysing... at the end of the day everything happens for a reason.

Each person walks into our lives for a reason. Some stay, some leave, but crying over the spilt milk doesn't help. Breathe in and out, and again, buy a few bottles of wine, call a few friends and move on.

And here is my darker self...

2010-09-27T19:01:00.000+01:00

There is a reason I don't let people into me. Because they do not realize where they have come, they have a look around and leave dirty muddy steps, make a mess and do not close the door behind them. And I blame myself for letting them in.

Please, do not enter, unless you are sure what you are doing.

Thank you for reading.

A note to self...

2010-09-25T22:24:00.001+01:00

Next time you are about to throw yourself into someone or something, please don't forget yourself on the way. You seriously risk ruining your best relationship - the one with yourself. .

Love,

Ira

29

2010-09-19T00:03:00.001+01:00

So I found this old post of mine.

I have exactly 337 days to do them and here is my progress so far (stuff I've done is in bold):

1. Buy a one way ticket overseas - done that when going to Moscow and Budapest

2. Borrow your nephews and nieces or friends' kids for a weekend and take them to the zoo - will that over the summer, eventhough no zoo at home, but will think of something else

3. Blow a week's wages on dinner for two at a restaurant where the prices aren't even listed on the menu - will do this by myself

4. Have a one night stand with an attractive stranger you met at a party - no comment...

5. March for a cause you believe in - do Global Villages count?

6. Move out of home and live in a share house - I moved out from home when I was 14

7. Run a marathon - or if that's too daunting, do a fun run - will do a swim as I can't run

8. Invent your own cocktail - the consequences were terrible

9. Learn a language - I speak two extra to my native one :)

10. Get a Brazilian wax - once

11. Have sex in the open air - once

12. Read the collected works of an author you love - Oscar Wilde, O.Henry, Elin Pelin, Yordan Yovkov, and some more

13. Get a letter to the editor published in your local newspaper - done, got my letter read on national TV during the Beijing Olympics

14. See the Aurora Borealis.

15. Try base jumping or another extreme sport - is fishing an extreme sport?

16. Bluff your way into a glamorous job you're totally unqualified for

17. Join a political party and hand out how to vote cards on election day

18. Get involved in a team sport - volleyball for nearly 7 years

19. Do a road trip with a bunch of mates in a dodgy car - oh that trip to Sveshtari!

20. Survive a flight on a third world airline - I believe the TU-154 and the IL I flew with Aeroflot several times where scary enough

21. Find the love of your life - what exactly is this?

22. Lose the love of your life - I am not sure if he was the love of my life, but...

23. Skinny dip in the ocean at midnight under a full moon with a group of friends - ok, the see would have to do the job

24. See the sun rise after an all night rave

25. Go to a gay bar - if you're straight

26. Go hiking in Bhutan

27. Do a ten day yoga retreat

28. Make a fool out of yourself at a karaoke bar - Alyssa's place is counted as smth more than karaoke bar :)

29. Plant a tree for the environment - done when I was 8 :)

30. Get fake ID saying you're 21 - and why should I do that?!?

The pope, life and other stuff

2010-09-18T22:51:00.000+01:00

So the Pope came to London. That is the Roman Catholic Pope. I am Orthodox, I mean I was christened to be Orthodox, I am not practitcing, I like going to church from time to time (twice a year in fact - for Easter and whenever I happen to be in Bulgaria) because it gives me peace and the silence and peacefulness is soothing.

I thought being who I am I would be excited to go see the Pope for the sport of it. Nope. I wasn't, even for the sport of it. He even passed down a road next to ours. I couldn't be bothered to go and see him.

I just find really hard to understand how can people think he is a representative of god on earth. For me god is everything around us, it is nature, it is good and light, it is the belief we have in ourselves, it is when we are good to others, it is a great energy that makes sure the world keeps going around. But how can anybody say about a single person he is the representative of god on earth...

Wondering how is life? Well life is good. As good as it gets actually. I can now say I have officially entered the 21st century and I have an on-line friend. Yeah, well, I know someone on-line I have never seen in real life. And I don't mean someone I work with or I was introduced to by somebody else. I have my very own personal on-line friend. It is time to start being jealous now.

Other than stating the obvious that autumn has arrived to London I can also say that my swimming is getting better and better and I am on a new training programme which should get me to swimming 1500 m of front crawl in six weeks. So far week one has been very much ok. I am able to do 700 m of front crawl without too much pain and I am actually enjoying it.

That is shortly about life. Hope all is well with you,
Hugs,
Ira

Red

2010-09-14T21:45:00.003+01:00

My photography adventures

2010-08-12T21:46:00.000+01:00

So I have previously posted about 18% Grey so you might be vaguely aware of my photography passion.

For the first time in my life I am actually taking part in a photography competition (I am not counting the office snaps competition :)). And my pictures have been published today!

The competition is about photo stories from Europe and I am taking part with some of my London pictures taken on film. The good thing is I have managed to get over 150 votes in just one day :)))) and I am almost leading the way. Also my gallery is the most popular one with over 25 000 views :)). Mine is for the moment and I am almost certain will remain the only gallery with pictures taken on film.

So I want to invite you to view those :). The website is in Bulgarian and you simply need to click on the picture to view the next one, in case you enjoy the photos, I will be more than happy if you cast your vote for me - simply hit the big blue button under the photo.
http://www.dnevnik.bg/evropa/patuvane_v_evropa/2010/08/12/945375_chitatelska_fotoistoriia_ulicite_na_london/

I am off to home for three weeks to enjoy the summer and the sun, so I will make sure to get more even more interesting stories.

Many hugs,
Ira

2010-07-22T23:58:00.000+01:00

When I told my parents I am doing another photography course the question was: "Why?". The thing is I love taking pictures but as I am very straightforward, restless and no-nonsense person I find it very hard to simply take pictures of stuff. I need a purpose, a goal, an understanding what I am doing.

So the documentary photography course has seriously started to structure stuff in my head. It is great to be able to sit down with other people and talk photography, discuss pictures and stories.

It has also been great because it is making me stretch and go beyond my 'that-looks-good-approach' when taking pictures. I have started thinking when taking pictures of stuff what I want to say, what's the story behind the things I am photographing.

For the course I am working on a story about how bread is made. There is a small local bakery where I have spent three mornings now. And I have yet again realized how mesmerizing it is watch people do stuff with their hands. I can stupidly just stand and watch how they mix, work out the dough, cut, measure, knead, shape, throw. It is the most amazing thing ever when stuff comes out of your hands. It comes with soul and warmth. I sort of believe that in everything you make part of you stays in it... Same with Giovanni - he makes those hundreds of breads each by hand every morning... I wish my job was so tangible!

Anyways, some of the test pictures for Di Lieto are in my other 18% Grey blog where I should be able to tell the whole story quite soon.

Hope you are having a great summer.

Hugs,

Ira

Talking about England

2010-07-21T21:36:00.000+01:00

I am watching a documentary on TV about two gay dads. Actually two millionaire gay dads. They have five children from surrogate mothers.

OK, so there is so much to talk about here - gay dads, surrogacy, millionaire gay dads and on, and on, and on. All of those very controversial topics. There is one fact however I love - it is possible to openly discuss those things here. It is possible to have a civilized debate about gay families, surrogacy, children growing in a gay family, show a documentary on TV without being judgemental!

It is possible for a politician to stand up openly on TV and say: I am gay. It is acceptable. It is taken as the most normal thing in the world. I wish it was so easy everywhere...

I love this country

2010-06-21T22:36:00.000+01:00

You know, I just love this country.
I love how they can make fun of themselves.
I love how proud they are.
I love the 'stiff upper lip'.
I love the 'keep calm and carry on' attitude.
I love the ability of the media to manipulate public opinions.
I love the way people speak their minds.
I love the fact people do matter here.
I love the fact you can write to your MP and actually get an answer.
I love just how different this place is compared to the rest of Europe.

18% Gray

2010-06-13T20:20:00.006+01:00

If we are in touch on a more regular basis you might know that I have always had an old film camera. I also have kind of passion for photography. Kind of because I enjoy it, but I don't dedicate it much time really. And passion because I really do enjoy it and love it.

Back in January I took a beginners photography course at Central St. Martin's school. It was a course that was taught using film cameras, not digital, so we spent quite a lot of time developing and printing black and white films.

So I discovered a completely new world of developing and excitement when you put the exposed paper in the chemicals and the picture slowly starts to appear! That, dear friends is exciting indeed. And I currently have one of those in our second bathroom (Thank you Chacha for being the greatest flatmate ever!).

And since this is something I truly enjoy and also because there are so many people out there who also still do film photography I thought I will start sharing my black and white experiments in separate place called 18% Gray.

Intoreverts

2010-05-16T21:31:00.003+01:00

Being brutally honest about ones feelings in public is something I do, sometimes. People around me might say, most of the times. Those who know me better would tell you that almost never you can hear the words "I feel..." come out of my mouth. I can be critical, but I won't tell you how something makes me feel, I won't tell you if I am in love, lonely, hurt, happy, angry, proud, jealous. I won't. Because this is what we introverts do.

We go to the cinema alone, because we like being with you as much as we like being alone. Just as I read somewhere: you can talk to anyone, but you can only spend half an hour in silence with a good friend and say that you had a very good time.

I like listening to someone's breathing as much as I enjoy talking to them. And I miss it very often.

Honesty is a painful process, it is even more painful when it is met by a wall of ignorance. Telling someone how you feel about them is scary when you are not confident in yourself. On the other hand your feelings about someone are the best thing that could happen to that person... because it simply means someone cares about you.

Oh, I want to be all pink and flowers most of the time. But only one or two people I know are like that, everyone else who is all pink most of the times is hiding behind a wall. As well as those who throw their feelings in public and afterwards laugh things away. There is something deeply wrong in all this.

Двама

2010-05-02T20:30:00.001+01:00

Cutting off

2010-04-05T22:25:00.003+01:00

I have been cutting people off from my life recently.

Not making the effort to make random connections, but rather re-connecting to old friends, which feels extremely good.

Sorry, but Facebook friends are not your real friends.

Moving on

2010-03-25T21:50:00.004Z

Dear world, moving actually is fun.

How to make it fun? Just have enough boxes! I realized that what was making me stressed the most was the fact I didn't have enough boxes to pack my stuff in! Lucky enough the guys from the shop across have plenty of those, so no need to pay :).

And I am actually excited about moving into our new place. Moving from one part of London into another is like moving from one city into another. Need to find a new supermarket, swimming pool, way to work, everything. And change is good. Change is refreshing.

So, dear world, it is spring in London, I am moving to a new place and I am looking forward to making my life an even better place to live.

2010-03-17T07:40:00.001Z

Искало ли ви се да сте някой друг някога? На мен постоянно ми се иска. Тази сутрин ми се прииска да съм Вапцаров. Да мога да пиша такива стихове, за които гениални е грозно определение. Да мога така да редя думи, които да се леят една след друга и вътре в мен нещо се свива и после е гневно и боли и тревожи.

Are your eyes the same?

2010-03-14T21:15:00.002Z

I have been looking at some old pictures of mine, back from another life in Moscow and St. Pete. And my eyes are not the same, my eyes are different. They say different things. They are eyes that used to see friends every day, eyes that could smile.

My eyes still smile, but they are no longer the same. They are eyes that look tired and scared. They are eyes that are empty.

How do you fill your eyes with excitement again? Something that makes them the eyes to fall for, the eyes that are opened to the world and are excited about every day. Those eyes of another me who didn't need money to be happy and was able to have fun with impossible amounts of money...

Is this a part of the process of growing up and changing?

The world is a very good place, because of people like this.

2010-02-16T19:24:00.002Z

The world is a very good place, because of people like this.

I have tickets for both his concerts in London at the Barbican in January next year. Yes, next year. And I am making a trip to Sweden once again to see the Youth Orchestra in June.

Who is the person who inspires you?

Love, forgiveness and hope

2010-02-14T11:44:00.002Z

I don't remember in a long time that St. Valentine's, the Sunday you ask for forgiveness before the Easter lent (may be there is an English word for this but I have no idea what it is), Trifon Zarezan (which is the Bulgarian celebration of the wine god, a very pegant, but really nice winter celebration when men cut the first wine branches and get drunk with vine wreaths on their heads) and the Chinese New Year fall all on the same day and somehow God also thought about all the merchants

and restaurant owners so the day also fell on a Sunday.

What a celebration, ah? Love, wine, forgiveness and hope. The whole universe has conspired today!

Now, I won't go about all the pros and cons about being in love, bla-bla-bla. This is only to share what simply made my day. There is an English version as well, but the Italian guys were much more passionate :)

This is the best Valentine's day greeting I have ever seen in my life. There is everything in it that I could possible ask for - humour, honesty, passion. It is the greatest way ever to share your passion with someone else.

There is another thing I also remembered. Love is about loving someone without conditions. It is about accepting, and giving. It is also about appreciating. My love is not to make you feel uncomfortable, my love is to show you how much I appreciate you for who you are. And I am not asking for loving me back. I am only asking for you to acknowledge the fact that there is someone in your life who cares and thinks about you. Because you are a lucky person.

And so am I. Because there is at least one person in the world who thinks about you before they fall asleep. Be it your mum, your sister, your best friend, someone being secretly in love with you, someone.

And this person deserves your appreciation. This is what Valentine's day is about - to remind us to appreciate the people who love us.

2009-11-15T21:24:00.002Z

I don't have much to say recently. That is why I have been away from blogging.

Or exactly the other way around - I have too much to say...

As of now I am busy with making my life a better place to live. And I am also in love. With myself.

Which is good.

For the rest of it, life will will only get better.

Enjoy the autumn outside as of now.

Hugs,

Google Analytics anyone?

2009-10-09T23:03:00.001+01:00

This isn't much about anything but rather to signify the fact that my Bulgarian blog all of a sudden reached 12 000 visits.
Still can't get my head around how exactly but obviously on September 15th there was this sudden rush to read stuff...
Anyone who knows how to navigate properly around Google Analytics - please, give a shout! I will be grateful to figure out how my insignificant thoughts in my mother tongue have managed to reach in the short period of less than an year 12 000 visitors...

The cynical side of me

2009-09-07T11:40:00.002+01:00

I have recently been called ignorant.

Not that I am not. I was actually not so much surprised by the fact I was called ignorant, but much more by the fact that the person who called me ignorant realized I am ignorant. Confusing, ah?

Not so much. I all comes down to one simple thing. We meet someone, we talk to them, we build up in our minds a picture, a frame for that person, we put them in the frame and we kind of think we know what to expect from them.
In most cases this practice might work. Unfortunately there are times when this doesn't work.
This leads to the above situation when I was called ignorant.
Where the person had a frame in her mind about me, when all of a sudden I went out of the frame and all in shock she called me ignorant and inconsiderate.

I am reading a book currently and it has the definition of love in it as the ability to accept people as they are and not try to change them.
I think this fits best in my cynical profile.
Why not? I just saw in the three days I spent with a couple: friends of mine.

He loves her together with the dog and the endless number of bottles and jars of spices and the ring on her toe.
She loves him and says that on the second day she new there will never be another man in her life ever again.
He has her name tattooed on his arm, and she is truly happy when he gives her an iron for the 8th of March (a cultural discourse for the non-Eastern European readers: 8th of March is the International women day and was quite a holiday in the time of the Iron curtain when it was considered perfectly ok to give as a present to a woman a frying pan for example) .
She loves him and this has made her stronger than ever before.

Right, now, please, try to get me they way I want you to: I am cynical, ignorant, inconsiderate, but I am also loving, passionate and sensitive.
Nobody is perfect.

Once you realize people are not and will never be what you want them to be, you will start living a much happier life. Believe me.

Better start accepting people as they are, or look for the people who suite best your character today than complain how miserable you are and how you can't find the love of your life.

For the rest of it, Bulgaria is giving me the best preparation to go back to London: a second day of rain and +15 degrees...

What dreams turn into?

2009-08-14T19:27:00.000+01:00

What dreams turn into

2009-08-14T10:48:00.002+01:00

I came across a Who's Who book where people also had to answer the question of Who did you want to be as a child?

How many of those you think have become who they wanted to be as children? None
How many were still dreaming of the same thing? One

What's the moral of the story? The world would have been full of postmen and garbage truck drivers, as well as teachers and doctors if we have all become who we wanted to be.

I also think the world would have been a much happier place.

How now! Cries the practical side of me. We all need to live on something and also we can't have everyone as postman and garbage truck drivers!

Where and how do you find the balance of being comfortable in your living as well as being a happy person. And you never in your life again think Thanks God it is Friday?

I read a study recently that said that young Chinese people are more succesful (in this case successful meant, earning lot's of money) than their American peers because the Chinese parents are in general much more practical - get a profession, graduate from the best univerisity, earn thousands a month. Where as the American parents would rather let their children decide what makes them happy.

Now here is the key. We all have got used to living up to someonelse's standart of happiness and success. Someone else has been defining what success is for us.

Your parents think being happy is earning lot's of money, having a house and a car and two children. You think being happy is travelling, documenting the indeginious cultures of Latin America. You love your parents and you don't want to disappoint them. And you try ot live up to their standarts. You compromise your dreams and depending on how strong your personality is you either break down at some point and for the rest of your life you just collect nice pictures of Latin America or one day you pack your bags and buy a ticket to Latin America.

Both scenarios are ok.

Really.

If any those makes YOU happy. Not your parents, not someone else, but you.

So dreams turn into what we want them to turn into. You just either start living in peace with yourself or change things. Whatever way you might choose, one for sure is not the correct - moaning about things.

Enjoy the summer no matter where you are.

Hugs,
I

Good'en!

2009-07-27T21:29:00.002+01:00

Time for updates dear stalkers:

- went to see the Seagull by the Factory theatre - this ladies and gentlemen is THE piece of theatre that made my cry. The only one after Хъшове back home a few years back.

The Factory makes this absolutely stunning type of theatre - they simply go through the process of recreating the emotions of the play. They don't get stuck in props, text, costumes, lighting. They simply really live the story they are telling. These are real emotions, real theatre as it happens.

It somehow leads to my theory about the 'anti-plastic world'. Our current world is the plastic, mass world, where very few real things are left, where individual emotions, considerations, needs are put aside for the sake of making more money and even more money.
However I have the feeling that my children will live in the anti-plastic world or at least I want them to live in an anti-plastic world, where things are real, people do what they love, not for the sake of money but for the sake of creating things and feelign happy. No, I am not talking about not making money and not living comfortably. You know what I am talking about - freedom and real things.

- I am curious where my 'wonna-be-but-it's-kinda-late' searching will take me - started from photography, architecture, went through drawing, and salsa, I am currently stuck in theatre, Shakespeare and headinf to directing. I still read about architecture and photography.

I am interested in beautiful things, structures, spaces and building spaces that encourage the proper flow of energy and where function creates form.

- wonna go home and think about the next 5 years of my life. Seriously. 28 is kinda late to take a new path, but as they say in the very smart and beauitful Москва слезам не верит: в 40 лет жизнь только начинаеться. / Moscow doesn't believe in tears: the age of 40 is just the beginning of your life.

In the mean time if you are so much into stalking me check out twitter this is where I am almost all of the time.

Things

2009-06-30T13:09:00.002+01:00

Good morning, world!

A few recent realizations:
- words can take shapes especially when spoken with your full attention. They 'zing' and you see them all in colours and full-bodied
- people normally love what they do. The reasons though may be different. Some do things for money, other because it gives them the feeling of a fulfilment - either ways are ok. It all depends on your value system.
- it is a bad idea to keep trying to rewind the film when you have the feeling that it might get torn. This is exactly what happens after you think - one last try!

The magic of the Globe

2009-06-24T20:06:00.003+01:00

"Pardon, gentles all, the flat unraised spirits that hath dared
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth so great an object.
Can this cockpit hold the vasty fields of France?
Or may we cram Within this wooden O the very casques that did affright the air at Agincourt?"

Henry V

The wooden O - this is how Shakespeare referred to the Globe theatre. A few centuries later. The wooden O stands on the Southbank in London and in the past few months has become one of my favourite and most magical places in London.

For me going up on stage has been one of the most exciting things I have done in my life. You go up there and you feel that you have this responsibility of being real and honest because people trust you to tell them a story. That is why I am so in love with the theatre - because it tells stories in an incredible way. And we all love stories. This is what sticks with us isn't it? We remember things that happen to us, or to someone else, a movie we saw. We don't remember the theory from the economics books we remember how the theory looks in practice, what happens when forces come into interaction with one another.

When one personality meets another, when two completely different pictures of the world come together. This is how the collective memory of every nation has been passed from one generation to another. From childhood role models are inhibited in our behaviour through the fairy tales we read. Through telling stories in songs, or fairy tales. What else are the holly books like the Bible, the Koran, etc if not stories about someones life.
In Morocco the custom of story tellers survives even today and can be seen on the Medina of every city every evening, not as a tourist attraction, but as a living thing.

Standing in front of an audience you immediately create this space of shared magic where for a few hours you are someone else and they believe you. And you tell them a story of love, friendship, values, faith, whatever. I come to the theatre because I forget about everything else. I go in there, I switch off for two hours and afterwards my world outside seems different, better.

What does this all have to do with the Globe?

I have been lucky enough to be volunteering as one of the stewards at the Globe. One of those people we normally don't pay too much attention when we go to any theatre and we so much don't like for the fact that the make us put away our cameras, or ask us not to talk or whatever else...
Being a steward at the Globe means not only you get to see all of the plays several times (I have seen Romeo and Juliet 7 times so far and few more are coming) but it also means being a part of a dream.

The Globe as we know it today was rebuilt only in the 90s. Before that the Globe theatre fo which Shakespeare wrote his plays burnt down in 1613 - the fire started off when a cannon was shot during the performance of Henry VII and afterwards was rebuilt in 1614 only to be demolished 30 years later by the puritans. Ever since the Globe only existed on old maps in our history books.

In 1969 a person called Sam Wanamaker shocked (by the words of the people who closely worked with him) by the fact that the only thing that signified the existance of the place for which Shakespeare wrote his plays is a plaque started campaining for rebuilding the Globe theatre.

The theatre opened again in 1997 for its first season after 353 years.

As the builders and the guides like to say at the Globe - this is our best guess of how the theatre looked like. The only picture that is known to exist nowadays of how an Elizabethan theatre looked like is a drawing by a Dutch traveller of the stage of the Swan. We know how the Globe used to look from outside only because we can find it on different maps.

I am not going to tell you the whole story of rebuilding the theatre or about the zillion creative ways volunteers were fundraising for it. You can read it all by your self either at the website of the Globe or atthis alternative place dedicated to Shakespeare.

Sam wanted the Globe not only to be a stage, but further more a plce where people from all over the world will come and discover Shakespeare. Today the Globe is a stage, an education centre, a museum.

It is a dream come true. That keeps on living every single day. I was at a Talking Theatre event tonight, which is an open Q & A with different actors. Tonight there we the actors who play Romeo (Adetomiwa Edun) and the Friar (Rawiri Paratene). You should have been there to see in there eyes how much they love being a part of the production. Eventhough they seemed tired after the performance, eventhough I have never seen Romeo smiling when they do the jig, I didn't believe till todya that they not only enjoy being Romeo and the Friar every single night, but they enjoy being Romeo and the Friar in this particular place, for which Romeo and Juliet was actually written to be performed at.

And seeing the faces of people when they come in the theatre for the first time is like me myself coming in again for the first time. It is a magically beautiful place, with oak and thatch and massive two pillars in the middle of the stage :).

And I thought tonight of Sam and how he was dreaming of the place. Unfortunately he never lived to see it open. But I am sure that with every smile and a silent sigh when Romeo kisses Juliet and a painful oh! during a stage fight he actually lives. In each of those people. Because every day his dream lives with every person going in to see a performance, with every actor walking on stage and being shocked by the audience staring in his face and being a few milimeters away from him.

This is what matters, ladies and gentlemen. Making things real. Dreaming and making dreams a reality. Never again in your life believe someone that you can't do something. Ever. Please. And above all - do not ever tell someone that are not capable of achieving things. It might make them even more ambitous, but there is a big thread they actually might believe you and thus ww all might loose something extraordinary.

Sorry, no energy for emptiness

2009-06-23T12:49:00.006+01:00

You might have noticed that I significantly minimized the amount of information on my FB profile. I have also deleted 179 'friends'. Mainly people who I don't remember how I know them and where from and/or I have never spoken to.

The actual trigger for all this was a random call I got on my UK mobile:

Phone: one missed call from a Russian number, one voice message in Russian: 'Hi this is ... [an articulated name I don't recognize] I thought we haven't spoken in a while and just wanted to say hi.'

Me: Oh, cool someone from my Russian friends wanted to say hi! (Still not thinking that very few of my Russian friends know my UK number and I would recognize most of them on the phone)

Phone same Russian number (a translated conversation): Privet!

Me: Privet!

Phone: How are you?

Me: I am really well, I am really sorry, but who is calling?

Phone: [an articulated name I don't recognize]

Me: Who?!?

Phone: [an articulated name I don't recognize for the second time] from Baku. We met and than I was waiting for you to call but you didn't call and I thought I call you.

Me: I am really sorry, but you must have dialed the wrong number.

Phone: Is this Ira ?

Me: Yes, this is Ira, but this is not my sirname.

Phone: Are you in London?

Me: Where do you have my number from?

Phone: I found it on the internet!

Me: I am sorry, but I don't want to talk to you. You have the wrong number. Please, don't call me. Bye.

Now when I type this I start to feel kind of sorry about the guy, because he obvioulsy really wanted to talk to that other Ira, or at least it sounds like it. But on the other hand all of a sudden I felt that everything about me is out there exposed to every single person (not that my blog is not).

Good bye personal info on FB, good bye!

I totally restricted my profile only for people that I know.

And it is not only this random call, but in the past few months I have so much limited the people I talk to, go out with, call, communicate online to an absolute minimum of people I know that really care to know what is going on with me as well as I am truly interested to know how are they doing.

I am really sorry, but everything else is hypocrisy. And you can throw stones at me, but when I am on skype and people send me a FB message instead of talking to me or simply picking up the phone? What is this called?

I don't have energy for such relationships. I like my off line life too much recently. I can't write long answers to the question 'How are you?' simply because I know it is a totally empty one.

I consider my self a very senstive person: I feel easily and I get influenced quickly by a song, smells, colours etc.
Thus I feel there are these real relationships I currently have that are like trees and gardens and when I give them my energy they give me back theres. And there are those empty questions: how are you? that only suck out my energy and are plastic, unreal and just so far away from me.

Sorry, but if you haven't spoken to me in ages, don't send me an email, you have me on skype, and even better - you have my mobile number - give me a call. I will be really glad to hear your voice.

For now: thank you for keeping up with my life :)

City of dreamers

2009-06-21T10:23:00.003+01:00

There are many reasons to love or hate London. And some of my friends have a very strong 'I don't like it!' feeling about it, where as others say 'This is the best place to live in.'

I fall in between those two. There are days when I completely hate London and there are days when I couldn't have wished for a better place to live. Truth is London is what you make out of it.

From London

It is a colourful city of dreamers. Yeah, right! I hear many saying. Think about this: London is and has always been an immigrants' city, not just people coming from other parts of Britain, but people coming from all over the world.
People move from one place to the other in the search of a better life, or in search of a life giving them something that they were missing.
This is what has happened to London - it has managed to gather a colourful crowd of every possible dream on earth. There are all these tranquil, colourful, passionate, quiet, old, new, messy, organized capitals around Europe, but there is no other city that would combine all of those at the same time.

That is why I said London is what you make out of it.
It can be the city from your English text book in school - with Big Ben, Buckingham, St. James, Trafalgar, Shakespeare's Globe etc.

From London

It can be the city for modern arts and new ideas - with the Tate, the Museum of Design, the Southbank centre, Bettersea park and every single art project that you can see around the streets every day - like the Play me I'm yours pianos around town.

From London

It can be the city of street culture and incomparable street fashion - with Camden and Portobello and all the girls that would have looked totally out of the way were they walking the streets of Prague for example and not London.

From London

It can be the city of gardens and nature, of the greatest sales this side of the ocean, the city of greedy bankers and people looking only how to make more money and the city with the most useless and expensive public transport probably in the whole world.

London is the place that keeps challenging me every day to know more and look for more. To see different. To look into myself and at the same time be a part of a great community.

Next time you are around - try to get away from the crowds. Do something you have never done before. Go to a part of London you have never been before. Walk the deserted City streets on a weekend, go to a concert in the Barbican, or simply try to find yourself around the messy cultural centre there :), sit on the Southbank watching the sun set behind St Paul's. Stop being a part of the tourist crowd and feel yourself a part of the city of dreamers.

And I am sure you will find your London that you will keep in coming back to as an old friend.

Dudamel, Gothenburg, Verdi and generally about life

2009-06-02T15:59:00.003+01:00

Some of my friends told me it is now officially confirmed I am out of my mind when I told them I have booked a ticket to go to Gothenburg all by myself, just like this, just for one night and just to see a classical concert.

Now, omit the just. It wasn't just a music concert. I guess nothing in life is ever 'just' something.

Let's start from the beginning. Think about someone you admire, or someone who made you smile, or someone who made you feel proud, etc. Can be anyone - an artist, an actor, an athlet, a politician (I doubt this though), anyone.

Now remember their eyes. What did they say? Were they smiling? Were they happy? Were they tired?

Why their eyes? Because eyes is something that don't lie (yeah, I know trivial, but true, no?) eyes show the true emotions anyone experiences at a present moment.

Eyes are honest.

I personally admire honest people, when I feel a genuine emotion I stand in owe. Feeling something so pure, so true and so honest is a blessing in the plastic and artificial world we all live in.

This is the reason I so much admire what Gustavo Dudamel does. Go and Google him or even better - go for one of the concerts he is conducting. Forget about the boring classical music concerts you were dragged as a student in school. Forget about the faces of conductors and musicians that look frozen and show no emotion.
Gustavo Dudamel is someone who is capable to unlock real emotions, honesty and beauty with a wave of his baton (that's my dear friends the stick the conductors are waving around).

And what this honesty does to people is that it makes them better. It somehow turns any negative energy flow 180 degrees around. People 'produce' negative energy when they feel insecure, scared and threatened. When instead they are met by someone who smiles to them and believes in them they relax, and give into that smile. They focus on the purpose of their work and on the fact they actually enjoy what they are doing. And, oh yes, stop taking them selves too seriously.

I kind of thought to tell you the whole story of the concert and the introduction to the new season when Gustavo arrived with a funky old car with his wife followed by the brass section of the GSO, but this doesn't really make sense...

Someone else has already done it and in a much more beautiful way than I could.

I so much want more people to be able to get in touch with classical music. And I wish for people really doing what they enjoy doing, being themselves, being genuine. We have enough of plastic around us to be plastic ourselves.

Find your 'cause', 'purpose', 'religion' and make it happen. And if you don't have one - find it, but don't start looking for it measuring and evaluating everything around you. Give into the process of exploring new things, bring into life old forgotten things you loved doing, challenge yourself to do things that scare you or you thought you can't do (like running, or acting, or drawing).

And above all - stop taking yourself too seriously. You are a brilliant person, with a very special story and so is everyone else around.

Which brings me back to the beginning where I told you to delete the just. There is never a story that is 'just' or that is 'too small' or 'unimportant'. There is only the way we think about it.

Music...

2009-06-02T09:28:00.001+01:00

“But the most important thing was the feeling the music gives me,” she said. “You feel as if you are flying.”

I owe a bigger story about the Verdi Requem and how at moments I wanted to jump off my seat and how Gustavo Dudamel looked more real through my lens than looking at him on stage... But the sentence above sums everything I admire about classical music and the people who do classical music.

Read the artical, go to a classical concert where a young, passionate orchestra is playing with their heart and soul and you will never be the same again.

I promise you.

My Gothenburg trip...

2009-06-01T22:36:00.003+01:00

More coming soon...

Short life updates

2009-05-28T16:18:00.002+01:00

Just bought Of Mice and Men and 75 Short Stories (love short stories! and O'Henry).

My Amazon Wish List is getting longer and longer and with books ranging from Architecrure through Shakespeare to Drama and Performance.

Looking forward to an extremely exciting weekend by myself in Gothenburg with Gustavo Dudamel, Verdi, Yulian Konstantinov and the Gothenborg Symphony Orchestra.

Won a photo competition at work with a picture I made while actually testing my camera.

Thanks to the LSO tweets won a pair of tickets for the George Fenton concert on 7th of June at the Barbican.

Saw Comedy of Errors at the Globe and so deeply enjoyed it that I was ready to jump if the someone on the stage said 'Jump!'.

Looking forward to enrolling to a Drama class at the Central School of Drama and Speech in autumn.

And generally really enjoying myself!

2009-05-22T21:45:00.004+01:00

I am just missing Juliet in this picture....

This is actually the actor who plays Tybalt, but that doesn't really matter... Could have been anyone else. I just like the picture. He unfortunately saw me taking the picture, that is why he has that wierd face.

Proud

2009-05-21T07:30:00.001+01:00

I am getting better and better! 3 miles today.
The goal is to do all the way from home to Canary Wharf and back:

View Larger Map

2009-05-19T23:27:00.002+01:00

"Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!
O any thing, of nothing first create!
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health!
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!
This love feel I, that feel no love in this."

Romeo and Juliet: Act 1, Scene 1

If you have never seen a play in the Globe in London, do it. At least once. There is no better place to believe in dreams and fairy tales.

Update

2009-05-14T11:37:00.005+01:00

Ok, right.

Yes, nothing much is happening. I lost all kind of inspiration to write.

Well, nothing much except the fact I have bought tickets to see:

- The London Philharmonia with Brahms and Tchikovsky's 5th at the Southbank Centre
- Verdi Requiem conducted by Gustavo Dudamel in Gothenburg
- The Japanese drummers Kodo at the Southbank Centre
- Goran Bregovic and the Wedding and Funeral Orchestra at the Barbican
- Comedy of Errors at the Globe
- Swan Lake in the Royal Opera House by the Mariynski Theatre
- U2 at Wembley
- Chicago Philharmonic Orchestra at the Southbank Centre

Busy, a?

I am also starting level 2 Ashtanga yoga next week, currently attending basic level salsa, shooting black and white on my father's good old Zenit EM (made app. in the 70s, and you wonder how this 1,2 kg thing still works).

In the very near plans: starting to train for the Race for Life (I already have running shoes!), basic Spanish, buying supplies for drawing and painting, finding an evening course that is not so horribly expensive to do drama/drawing/photography over the summer.

If you wonder what I actually work - I do financial analysis, excell sheets, data etc.

So according to you reading all this I should probably be attending a CFA course instead of the long list of 'fluffy' stuff above.

Well, not really.

Life is sometimes complicated and you can't understand everything just from the surface.

From Easter trip

You only know how to play beautiful when you know how to play in an orchestra

2009-04-24T14:13:00.005+01:00

It took me 27 years, a Venezuelan conductor, a Youth orchestra and 2 hours to start appreciating classical music as never before.

Classical music tells you this whole story... it is like a book you read. Once you start listening you want to know what is going to happen later in the story and you can't wait for the final... Classical music is beautiful, full of emotions, it grows and blossoms in front of your eyes, it moves you like nothing else.

And with a little help from 180 young people coming from Latin America, full of passion, enthusiasm, energy and Gustavo Dudamel conducting, there is no way you won't fall in love with classical music for the rest of your life.

There are no words that can possibly express how grateful I am to the Simon Bolivar Youth Orchestra and Gustavo Dudamel, for reminding me that when you do everything from your heart and with all the energy you have it moves everyone around you and it has the power to change the world and inspire many other people.

There is no passion and no positive energy like the passion and energy of people from Latin America. No one else, smiles, dances like they do. No one else has the-most-positive-attitude-towards-life as they do.

I watched and read everything that could be watched and read on youtube and all over google. And you should see at least one interview with Gustavo to release how real he is, how passionate he is about the things he does, and above all how down to earth and simple he is. And he is my age...

Make sure you do what you love. And make sure you do it with all your heart.

I will make sure the Camp gets on paper this year and a reality in couple of others.

Have a beautiful and sunny weekend ahead:

10 reasons to work for a bank - updated

2009-04-05T00:10:00.002+01:00

It turns out this is my most popular post :).

I never thought when I wrote it people will be reading it so much, but in these times it is understandable.
That is why I decided to update it and explain why it is still worth to work for a bank (not that I work for one).

Background information:

1. You deal with business coming from different sectors of economy and you learn a lot about how are those sectors interconnected, how they function, what are their specifics.

2. You learn about financing. How to receive a loan, what are the best conditions for it, what kind of collateral you need, how to manage your finance properly and keep your balance sheets clean so that you are able to repay your loan.

3. You learn how to read balance sheets. You cannot imagine how easy it is for some of my colleagues to see that a balance sheet has been manipulated and to find out what exactly is happening in the company.

4. I learnt a lot about construction. :) I know what kind of documents you need to start constructing any building, I know how long it takes, I know what are those strange elements for the construction, I can read mortgages, plots, encumbrance certificates.

5. Banks are the ones that keep economy functioning. So you are making indirect impact on you country economic development.Well, they can also badly damage the economy as we have recently seen, but I do believe that there are smart banks out there as well that actually think before they invest. And the investments made are sustainable and in the name of things that will make the world a better place to live in for everyone.

6. Banks will always be there.

7. You learn how to balance between making profits for the bank and meeting the interests of your customers.

8. You learn to pay a lot of attention to all details. Even to what might seem to you insignificant, might make a big difference. And at the same time you need to know how to stay on top of things and see the big picture.

9. You learn how to be sustainable in your approach towards the customer, when you can make a step back, compromise and when you need to be tough and pushy about fulfilling conditions.

10. Far from the least: you don't pay ANY bank commissions and fees, you can get employee loan with better conditions. Believe me, this can add a lot of money in your account that are not spent for yearly fees :))).

So if you thought that banks are a boring place to work. You are wrong :).

Now when I have reread it I realize I haven't said a word about how much you are paid or anything. I simply enjoyed the fact that I was working for a bank.

Even in the current situation I still believe that banks are a great place to work as long as you are making a smart and wise choice.

And my humble opinion on the current crisis is that first of all it is not as bad as everyone thinks and second it is not the fault of only the bankers, or the government, or the US... It is simple human nature called greed. We realized how cool it is to spend more, to waste resources, to eat out all the time, go on vacation abroad three times a year, have a wardrobe of clothes we never wear, by endless gadgets... and now all of a sudden we start making our own tea at work, bring in lunch, invite friends over instead of going out, go on vacation abroad, reuse stuff and everyone started screaming...

Come on people, wake up. All you are asked for is that the equilibrium returns into the system... stop spending as crazy and spreeing money on nothing. And things will get better soon. Unfortunately we will forget this very soon. And growth and greed will start growing even at a faster pace.

Feeling small

2009-03-17T17:03:00.002Z

From Columbia Road Flower Market

I wrote this as a post to the PwC AIESEC people blog, but thought sharing it with you as well :)

Having self-awareness as one of my not so strong competencies I have been tstriving to improve on it for the past couple of years. And I think I have been doing pretty much ok and to levels I am satisfied with.

That being said I really enjoy once in a while to do tests like the Belbin (about team roles) or have other assessments that will show where my competencies/values/strong sides of my character are moving. And I store my past results as a reference.

I did the Belbin test at the beginning of my term as External Relations manager for Central and Eastern Europe and that is my starting point. More than an year later, in a different role, with another team and in a different environment I decided to do the test again and see where do I currently stand.
I was ticking the boxes and than all of a sudden I realized that I am not ticking the way I currently behave in my role, but the way I was behaving the environment I know and feel comfortable with. For example: before I would put most of the points on a statement ‘I pick up slips and omissions that others fail to notice’ or ‘I react strongly when meetings look like losing track of the main objective.’. Now I simply can’t do it…

And there I was with my test struggling between reality and wonna be and realizing the roots of my frustrations and not super great excitement recently.

The truth is, I realized in AIESEC I was used to having a much larger contribution and impact on whatever I was doing. It was like driving very fast on a busy road and that complete feeling of freedom and that you are the king of the world.
For most of us who start with PwC after AIESEC this is our first real experience in a real corporate environment. Many of us join after at least 2 years in AIESEC, where we have led teams, spoke about changing the world and done big things, or put in a language that everyone understands: managed an organization and through our actions were making an impact on the results the organization has and the way it performs. This wasn’t due only to the fact that we were relevantly high in the hierarchy of the organization, but also due to the fact that we have a deep understanding of the organization and vision of its operations and its place in the world.
And don’t get me wrong now.
I am not talking about position in the organization I am talking about a deep and profound understanding about:
the way the organization functions
its operations
its main business
its key success factors

What I have in mind is not only the soft skills we all have, but also the technical knowledge we all need to be able to perform outside of the organization we all know.

I spoke with a couple of friends and they had exactly the same feelings, so I am glad I am not alone in this J.

The truth is we (I mean AIESEC people) come equipped with good soft skills, we are quick learners, we are good team players and really smart people, but than all of a sudden we need to learn basic things… as one of the friends I was talking with put it: ‘I don’t even know what this machine does and how it looks like… and I am supposed to find out the best place to buy and ship it from…’.

So it is nice feeling small again and after I realized where my frustrations come from it is much easier now to have the motivation to understand things quickly and start implementing them.

Feeling small is good because it makes you want to big again and move fast and give you extra motivation.

And the other good thing is that I am really lucky to have a manager that always has the time to stop and explain what that super complicated table actually means. :)

Greetings from surprisingly sunny London,
Ira

stuff

2009-02-26T22:35:00.002Z

Back from Morocco
700 + pictures that need to be sorted and organized (Alyssa is much better in me in this actually... I simply like taking the pictures).
Laundry is done
I saw where the storks go in the winter
Had really good time
Really grateful for my friends and for the people who have the nerves to be my friends
Drove 700 + km
Drove with 140 km/h
Wondering what the future holds for me
Enjoying London
Making plans for Easter - need a place with good people, cheap enough for me and where I can simply forget time is moving
Preparing mum and dad's visit
Got dust inside the camera (should stop changing lenses everywhere and all the time)
Having 'what if I had done this' dreams
Missing the sun
Wondering why I am not into meeting anyone but only the people I care about
Am I too selfish or this is just how being comfortable with myself feels like?

Stressed...

2009-01-29T22:24:00.002Z

... because I can't stop running even over the weekend... even...

Tell me someone it will be ok if I don't see all exhibitions and if I don't go to see all movies and if don't necessarily take a picture of every single place around...

There are so many things to see and do that it is not possible not to have this running feeling even over the weekend...

Give me a break!

Recently...

2009-01-27T21:36:00.003Z

... I have been planning a trip to Morocco
... continue being inspired by London
... had a mad week at work (who doesn't?!)
... met with Platon and realized I need to buy a ticket to Moscow
... can't decide what to do on weekends since there is so much to do in London
... saw the Annie Leibovitz exhibition in the National Portrait Gallery
... I am reading Annie Leibovitz at work and can't stop smiling
... bought a weekly planner since I can't organize myself otherwise
... have made my first transaction to my savings account
... looking for someone with a season ticket to Chelsea/Arsenal
... started excircising in the morning again
... getting more and more in peace with myself
... ...

From A.B.C. in London

From 5 days in The Cube, Christmas in Brussels

From London

Irusik 2009

2009-01-02T01:39:00.003Z

These are not resolution but rather the things I wish for in 2009.

Geri asked me if I was able to have a dinner with anyone who would that be?
I want to have dinner with Plamen Konstantinov who is the captain of the Bulgarian national volleyball team to tell him about my camp and get his support for my idea.

I want to learn the difference between "I like you being my friend" and "I like you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you".

I want to get to the International Olympic Congress.

I want to put the idea for the camp on paper and start adding shape into it.

I want to excel in my work.

I want to learn how to drive my D60 to take the most amazing pictures possible.

I want to visit new and exciting places and experience the fun of packing and seeing new things again.

I want the people around me to be healthy and be with me.

Irusik 2008

2009-01-02T00:39:00.003Z

Traditionally a bit later and more for myself to remember...

January:
A long vacation with lots of snow and long hours of applications writing.

February:
Cold Macedonia amazingly beautiful Ohrid lake. Tones of tears for a wrong made decision. Amazing IPM party with a very unexpected ending that I still question why.

March:
Going back home to Moscow, meeting everyone so dear, walking down my favourite streets, experiencing a great blizzard in St. Pete. Playing bowling and having fun with a good bunch of people. Being in the right place at the rigth time to put someone on a flight. 5 hours flight to a country full of sun, spring and good people.

April:
Traveling in Central Asia, eating tomatoes in Istanbul, climbing up the hill to Mehmet's house, playing scrabble and laughing. Seeing dolphins in the sea for the first time in my life. Biking on the Princess Island. Going back to BP to wear again my white coat and white jeans and being on top of my happiness to sleep again in my bed and be with Geri and Ivan again.

May:
Easter night with Geri, selections, selections, selections. Croatia. Getting a 15% discount on SkyEurope for a network of several thousand young people in Europe. European alumni event.

June:
"International passanger Ivan Lopez, please, approach the information desk." a night in the airport and an early bus ride in the waking up Istanbul, fun on a roof top with our unmatchably amazing Turkish friends and another night of yet unclear attraction. Transitioning, packing, moving, crying, sleeping in airports, sleeping in other peoples beds, sleeping with other people.
Seeing London and my future office for the first time.

July:
The most amazign night of fun and randomness in Prague, a long journey home and a long good bye. Going back to Budapest to close yet another page of mylife and open a clean white sheet to continue wiritng the story of a life full of energy, love and achievement. Lying again on the beach and soaking in the sun with Zori and Svilen while being the witness of a real love story.

August:
The Olympic games that changed mylife. Going back and re-connecting to my roots, waking up at 5 am to cheer for an amazing volleyball team. Re-discovering my old passions and finding a new one. Comign up with a crazy idea that I so much want to turn into reality now. Fun vacations with no internet or phone with parents for 1 week. My letter being read on national TV :). Waking up on my 27th birthday at home - something I have missed so far only twice in my life.

September:
Re-discovering an amazing AIESEC country, connecting to a brilliant group of individuals, waiting for papers and starting to feel unsure whether I really took the rigth decision.

October:
Boarding a BA flight to my future. Feeling like in the TV. Feeling lonely sometimes, feeling selfish, but above all feeling comfortable with what I have and enjoying living for myself while being able to afford to buy presents and things I want.
Starting my "long term, mutually beneficial relationship", aka my PwC career.

November:
Being on the roler coaster of exploring PwC and London. Mum coming over.

December:
Buying my D60, being left in the middle of a play, deciding to go to Morocco, meeting Geri and Ivan again and realizing that relationships change without being able to figure out what exactly.

While writing all this I figured out what an amazing year I have had. And what a rolercoaster it has been. I also realized I haven't remembered a single bed thing that has happened to me (if any happened at all), which comes up to prove the fact that at the end of the day we remember mostly the good things that happened to us.

Sometimes you can't buy everything...

2008-12-26T14:23:00.002Z

Eventhough money give you comfort and can help you make dreams come true they are definetly not the one and only thing that makes you happy.

Money can't buy you honesty, understanding and openness.

Money can make your world more comfortable and a bit more beautiful on the outside, but they can't hide the darkness and they can't fill an empty place with love and appreciation.

Unfortunately.

Did I tell you I am happy?

2008-12-21T21:47:00.002Z

Yes, I am happy.

And I am lucky and blessed to have everything I have... Even though at the moment it is material... like very material: an mp3 player, a great camera, being able to buy presents for my friends, being able to walk into a shop and buy what I want and what I like...

And apart from that: being in an amazing city, where people live the way the like, enjoying the things they have and being able to create and see beauty around them.

And I know it is not the money and the things we have that matter, but the people we are surrounded by... that is why I am above all most happy about the fact that I will spend Christmas not alone in front of the TV but with two people so dear to my heart.

At home they say the sky opens in the night of Christmas and all wishes come true. Make your wish. Put it in your heart. And believe it. And it will come true.

With all my love,
Ira

I want one of those! or my Wishlist

2008-12-14T21:53:00.002Z

I really, really, really want a Crumpler bag! The one I thought I am buying was just taken under my nose on ebay! (this is expensive, so I was just thinking to share :))

So in case you want to make a present :)
1. All different camera stuff: I currently don't have a cleaning kit, as well as a flash gun (this is also expensive :))
2. Book about photography
3. A tea-pot
4. A nice book that will make me smile
5. Christmas tea (Twinings are no longer making it! What a shame!)
6. A scarf in a bright colour
7. Photo frames
8. Nice box of chocolates
9. Cook book
10. A spare battery for my D60

I think that is it :). Very short indeed :).

My new toys

2008-12-14T20:30:00.004Z

I never thought the feeling of being able to afford something you have always wanted is SO good...

No, it is not the Nokia 6500, it is Nikon D60 you can't actually see since I took the picture with it :).

Can't wait for my super cool Crumpler bag to arrive now!

Choices

2008-12-04T20:56:00.005Z

It is all about the choices we make.

In one of the episodes of One Tree Hill Lucas goes back for Peyton (a girl he is in love but has difficulties realizing it :)) in the school where there was shooting. He goes back into the school to take her out... risking possibly everything he has (yeah cheesy but this is not the point).

The point is that someone afterwards told him: Peyton was there because it happened so, you were there because you chose to be.

We choose every morning to wake up, to smile or not to smile, to be strong or to feel a bit down today. I had my break even point when after being freaking tired I broke down, cried myself out and stood up to go and do what I was supposed to. Since I realized that a few days later I won't care how tired or sad or down I was. I will care that I didn't do my best.

Because my choice a long time ago has been to give my best. So if you have promised yourself to be happy and to give your best start living with it.

Stop feeling down or start knowing where are your limits. Learn what you can and what you can't do.

I have forbidden myself to wait for others to make my fairy tale.

I wanted to make a present for Christmas, which was probably more for myself than for the person I offered it to. And in return I heard only silence. I didn't even hear no, I can't do it or even the fact that I am doing it for myself... I heard the silence of being afraid to go another way and say no.

Which is kind of sad, since it was important for me. Even to hear the no and be sure what I am doing.

But when you don't get something there is something much better waiting for you that will truly make you happy.

Cause now I have someone who cares about me to join me on a trip to Morocco. Out of the blue, just like that. Without being scared to make confessions.

One more person walked out of my life in silence. And it makes me sad. But life goes on. And at the end of the day: Жизнь только начинаеться в 40 лет, да?

So just be sure what stands behind your choices when you make them. As in Harry Potter: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are. Far more than our abilities."

A bit of life update

2008-12-04T20:29:00.001Z

There was time, quite some time ago, when I could write really well and I really enjoyed my writings, even though I never thought about becoming a journalist or a writer.

This all ended up when my Russian became more fluent than my Bulgarian (haha, yes there was such a point in my life).

Now I want to be able to write again, just to be able to say all the things in my head. I should probably just start typing. And they will come. Like I believe that everything that comes from your heart is good and nobody can convince me I am wrong.

Cause the purest and the most real things in life come from the heart. And there is this place in your chest that tells you what is right or wrong, the same one that you feel opening up when you are happy or falling into pieces when you are sad.

I should also tell each of the people in my life more often how important they are to me. How happy I have been and I am to have been having them in my life.

I know I have been feeling pretty miserable lately and I might have said things that might have hurt someone. But Marjam reminded me how important it is to believe in things and that there are no answers in the dark and destruction. The only place to find answers is where the light is. And where is this feeling of love and appreciation for oneself. Learn how to appreciate yourself in order for other people to start appreciating you as well.

The life update that I haven’t given in a while is that it has been exactly one month since I started working in what some people call the big corporate machine and I call the most exciting place to be. I have been now an official PwC employee for a month. And I will tell you the story about all those nice companies that we all have seen coming and promising all those nice things about development, guidance, investing in their people and so on. Well, I never thought this is happening. It is. PwC is the company that is delivering 100% of its promises and if you deliver 100% of your promises than you might end up getting more and more every day. It is like falling in love: you meet the person and every day you want to know more about him and make him feel better. So far it has been amazing falling in love.

I have sorted out all my logistical issues and the only thing I need to sort out now is my personal life.

I think the reason that I haven’t been writing lately is that I feel like I don’t have anyone to tell how I feel. Before, whenever I felt like telling something to someone, I would write. Now, I obviously don’t feel like telling anything to anyone or fell like I don’t have anyone to tell those things to.

So in case I haven’t told it to you lately: I have been missing you. I think about you and I want you to be around. And now when you are thinking that this doesn’t concern you, well it does. Because if you are reading this than you are someone important to me.

I know everyone has their own lives, but I somehow fail to believe that everyone I have ever cared about has forgotten about me.

I have been treating myself with ice-cream, wine, good food and I lately bought myself Christmas lights.

I hope you are also taking good care of yourself.

Lots of love,

I

One month of being a number

2008-12-01T16:22:00.002Z

To be honest it is 2 months, but on Friday it has been exactly one month since I became officially a PwC emlpoyee.

I have been wondering many times what it would be like to be a "number". Well, I went through all the frustrations of getting a work permit, settling down, having almost no reception (not that I was expecting any :)) and to be honest being in PwC is absolutely like having a job. I am a part of the team and everyone including me understands what is my role and I learn new things every day while having lots of fun and feeling appreciated for the things I do.

I could not have imagined a greater place to be than London. London is everything you want it to be.

Very honestly speaking my life would be perfect as soon as I manage to set up my personal life and my social agenda becomes as busy as my work one.

So it has been a really great thing to walk the talk and be one of those "life changing exchange experiences". Even if moving around for me is a natural course of things. :)

Have a great week ahead. Mine started with good news.

Hugs,
I

2008-11-27T13:01:00.002Z

Well, baby, I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken

Late night thoughts

2008-11-24T08:33:00.004Z

You know what is the worst part? The worst part is that I have started feeling so comfortable being on my own that I no longer have the need to share time and emotions with someone... I honestly tried. Might have been the wrong person, but it worked for exactly 2,5 weeks.

And I just disappeared, stopped answering the phone or calling without giving any explanation, but I thought that if I kept going on it would have turned into a disaster with too many feelings.

I have everything I could have wished for: enough money to afford the things I like, a great job, amazing colleagues, an extremely bright future in front of me and I don't feel happy.

Probably because I know that I won't be spending Christmas with anyone, or probably because those I called or mailed since I was here almost never returned my calls. Or when they did they said they are busy now, but will give me a call next week. Just because everyone has their lifes and there is no time for extra efforts to make room for one more person.

Except Johanna. Johanna is a great person with whom it is a lot of fun to share a bottle of wine in a fancy London place.

I think I already wrote about this but in the time we live in nobody ever has the time to make new friends. At the age of 27 (I wrote 26 at first) most of the people my age are either married or are already dating someone.

Those who are not are so focused on themselves that nobody ever has the time (or nobody has the will) to spend an extra hour getting to know a new person.

And where do you meet new people? At work? Doing hobbies? Like what? Gym? Knitting? Ballet and pottery?How come I have time? What, I don't work enough? Or I don't like myself enough? Oh, believe me after a whole summer spent on my own I have started so much liking the time spent with my own self that I am scared it is not all right.

Obviously if I am writing all this I am looking for an answer is it that I have become so comfortable with myself that I no longer have the need to be with other people, or is it I have become so demanding towards people around me that I don't let them be themselves?

I no longer believe that the love of my life can happen to me. I know this is how dreams die. But I neither need it, nor I think it is possible. It has happened to many other friends around who haven't been so busy with themselves that they had the time to make a little extra space for someone else. I obviously no longer have that desire inside me. Just need to start living with the idea.

I don't believe the "this is such a busy period for me". How come friends that no longer live where I live when they come on a one day business trip to London can travel half of the city to meet me and someone who lives here never has the time to return my call? How is it possible that there are people who are ready to travel from the other end of Europe just like that because we haven't seen each other in a while and there are people who are a 30 min flight away and don't bother returning a reply to an invitation? Or just being scared to return a reply to an invitation?

My friend Tonya says that you need to make your own fairy tale. Yes, but you need to find participants for it.

You know how I have always been strong. I will survive this one as well. No worries.
I hope you have someone important to spend Christamas with.

Many hugs, I

pieces

2008-10-27T23:25:00.004Z

counting my blessings
walking every morning to work and seeing Tower Bridge
*what do you want to change?
"we have been waiting for you"
By, cream tea and being happy for the life my friends have
things are falling into their places

The life starting on Monday...

2008-10-23T16:12:00.003+01:00

I got the most precious piece of paper I have been waiting for 4 months...

Holding it in my hands and going back to the past 4 months I have realized a few kind of important things:
- I have stopped taking myself too seriously.
- I am able to stay positive and not to freak out
- There is always a way out and freaking out is not the right way

I have been enjoying London a lot. The only city I could compare it to is Moscow. Here again I can walk for hours, look at people, enjoy the streets, look into people's windows and when I get lost the easiest way is to find a tube station.

I am missing my friends. I am missing actually walking down those streets with someone who can randomly walk into a supermarket, buy something nice to eat and share it walking around and thinking what kind of people could be living in that house.

Come and visit me. I am so much looking forward to walking, cooking, chatting, laughing with you.

Other than that life in the UK, for me (a 27 year-old grown up in the Eastern Block) is the life that only people in the TV lived. You should see the supermarket I go to!

I am starting work on Monday. In a great company that has so far been taking amzing care of me. No wonder PwC is the number one recruiter of graduates in the UK for several years in a row.

The good news...

2008-10-16T23:44:00.003+01:00

So after all there is also a good news for today...
Even better: two good news!

1. I work (or at lest hope to start working soon) for one of the best companies ever. Seriously. When was the last time you get your manager to send you a FB message to tell you can have all the support you need?

And second one is for the person I sent an ugly e-mail after I was way too upset to call. You know who you are.

2. "And then she'd say, it's Ok, I got lost on the way
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry.
And then she'd say, it's alright, I got home late tast night,
but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly."

Oh, yeah, I know it is a different song to what I have linked. But I could not stop the self-irony coming out of it and I knew it will make you laugh.

2008-10-16T17:13:00.003+01:00

Sometimes believe in yourself can't save you.
Sometimes I-will-do-it-myself-cause-I-know-best attitude also can't save you.

And this is when you depend so much on other people who simply think that it is a game and do not understand this place is not a kindergarden and what we are dealing with here is people's lives!

I have been sitting without a job for 4 months, cause I believed and trusted too much, much more than I should have actually.

All my positive attitude ans happiness from the past 2 months could not save me today from bursting into tears right in front of the great and super nice man in the Boarder Agency.

I should have put an end to this a long time ago. It was all too good to be true.

London

2008-10-12T22:43:00.005+01:00

Honestly?
I do feel happy. Very happy. Just knowing life is good.

Most things do happen for a reason.

I left a bit nervous, a bit sad, just to land in a gorgeous city! And if you know me, there are seriously few things that can impress me in Europe after last year's traveling.

I feel like I have entered inside the TV. Seriously. The last time I felt like this was when I saw the Red Square for the first time.

Things I still can't get used to is the huge amount of explanation, rules, order.
Things I am LOVING! The amazing sense of humor. Just look at this:

2008-10-03T11:37:00.000+01:00

It is finally here!
:)

PwC and me :)

2008-10-01T12:25:00.002+01:00

I love this picture! I just recently discovered it on FB :). I like it so much because it was taken right after 3 months of exhausting travels, during a really cool event and it shows something we put so much efforts in and also believe so strongly.

Union Street, here I come!

I am an Eastern European!

2008-09-29T21:18:00.002+01:00

I am a very organized person, generally in life.
I am also very detailed focused and those who know me will agree.

But my cultural shock is already on the way even though I have not even bought my ticket and packed.

I have received my employment papers today, or at least some of them. 150 pages (one hundred and fifty pages)!
How is that possible, a?

This country is too well organized, too well explained. This is like having directions for everything! Everything! Even on which side of the bed to step out in the morning!

Don't get me wrong but I have lived my whole life in Eastern Europe where most things happen just because. There are some hidden and unwritten laws by which things happen. I am just not used to the huge amount of order that is coming!

The funny part is that I have a feeling that I am in some place where I am sent from one counter to another with a huge smile by people telling me to fill in one more paper and wait another 1-2-12 weeks!

AAAAAAAA!

Wake me up and tell me I am actually going to the country of 5 o'clocks, Old Trafford, Tate Modern and Harry Potter!

6000

2008-09-24T20:07:00.002+01:00

Six thousand?!?

When did this blog reach 6000 visitors...

---
My life recently has been about:

- 17 brilliant, hard working, fun, random, crazy, honest, opened, ambitious, proud people in a great part of Europe called Poland
- being happy with myself
- reconnecting to friends
- rediscovering old pictures, black and white ones :)
- learning to use Movie Maker
- realizing that I have become much more balanced and calm
- realizing that I miss Geri and Ivan for working with them
- realizing summer is over and with it three months I have spent at home
- moving on to London is soon to come
- redefining what I want to do with my life and being happy with the outcome
- becoming more Bulgarian than I have ever been before
- simply being happy

Looking forward to moving to London and starting another very exciting chapter.

Did I ever tell you life is beautiful?

And last but far from the least:

2008-09-10T23:12:00.001+01:00

I have never before in my life being so freaked out about moving to a new place...

Life and other disastours

2008-09-01T21:58:00.002+01:00

I turned 27 in a very interesting mood:

- I am proud of my country again and believe or not Geri :) for the first time in many years I feel more Bulgarian than Russian
- the wish I made for myself is to live in a better country and find the power inside me to make this country a better place
- I really know now that this is the country I am going to live in and this is the country I want to fight for. Because I believe in its future.

Other than that I feel simply happy:
- I play tennis every day at least for one hour
- on week days I play volleyball with a school team of 12-14 year olds :) - this is tones of fun
- I am simply happy with myself

Other stuff:
- will be in the UK in mid October - let me know in case you know someone who is looking for a flatmate
- got a new laptop as a birthday present
- over 100 people remembered I have a birthday (80% of them thanks to FB :))
- I want to build a children camp and have it accepting its first guests in the summer of 2012
- seems like all pieces are falling into their places

Many hugs,
I

Fighting

2008-08-21T19:04:00.002+01:00

I wonder when did I learn to fight?

When did I learn nothing comes just like that and you should fight just a bit more, just that very last bit that in many years when you look back you realize that's what made the difference.

I wonder when did I learn to stand up when it hurts the most?

When I was competing with the volleyball team? Or when there was nobody's shoulder to cry on?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't that strong. Sometimes I wish I was not a fighter. Sometimes I wish my dreams were for 'just' a cosy home and 'normal' life.

Because at the end of the day nobody cares how much it hurts, nobody cares how tired you are, nobody cares how hard you worked for something.

All that matters how happy you are with the result.

Why?

2008-08-20T10:53:00.002+01:00

Why am I going to a place that I am no longer sure I should be going?
Why I am no longer dying to go there?
Why do I all of a sudden became so attached to everything around?
Why do I only now start to see opportunities and things I can influence?
Where is this all going to take me?
Did I really took the best decision?
Didn't I just follow a former dream that will never come true?
Why I never learn from my mistakes?
When am I ever going to start to listen and do only the things that I believe I should be doing?
Why I just didn't wait?

Браво Руми, браво Нейкова!

2008-08-16T11:34:00.006+01:00

We just won our first Olympic gold in Beijing!
Picture taken from here

I realized recently that my desire and hunger for winning comes from sports: I have been competing for 7 years: starting in running, going through handball :) and ending with volleyball. And there has never been a feeling greater compared to the feeling of winning: something that you know you get because you deserve it: because you worked and fought for it, because you believed in yourself and because you were focused, not because someone else decided for you. That is why it is hard for me to accept loosing s/election processes.

I shared with Sasha this morning that for some reason my feeling of being Bulgarian is coming back. I mean I have started again to accept the fact that this is my country and started again being proud of it. I guess I just needed time. But I am starting slowly again to look for ways to contribute to the change Bulgaria needs. And I mean contribute in a positive way: without making noise, with a lot of positive attitude and without the constant complaining... And I feel different as well. It is important to accept who you are.

A small thing but still really made my last week: I wrote a letter to the national TV to express my attitude and feelings about the fact the way the captain of the volleyball team has been kicked out. And I had my letter read on air. They read it! And I felt so happy because I had the place to express a positive attitude!

Thank you Bulgarian Olympic team for giving me this great spirit of desire to win!

Enjoy the weekend everyone!
Hugs,
Ira

Thr truth is always in the middle

2008-08-12T20:22:00.003+01:00

I don't really like to write about politics. But this time I felt I should make my contribution.
Following is my reply to something I got over e-mail:

The email

Russian Military Aggression Against Georgia Must Not Be Tolerated By The United States And Its European Allies

Georgia is under military attack by an authoritarian state that refuses to respect international law. This is a situation that Western powers have encountered many times before - in Hungary (1956), Czechoslovakia (1968) and Afghanistan (1979). The US must take the lead in strongly condemning Russian aggression against Georgia. If left unanswered, the Kremlin will implement similarly despicable schemes to undermine the sovereignty and territorial integrity of the neighboring countries with which Russia has territorial disputes, including Ukraine and the Baltic states.

The dire situation that the Georgian people are facing today must concern not only the Georgian government but also the global community of freedom-loving democratic nations. At stake is more than the fate of Georgian democracy or respect for Georgia's national sovereignty and territorial integrity. Russia's reckless behavior in the volatile Caucasus region is a symptom of the growth of a dangerously revanchist, neo-imperial and authoritarian regime in Russia. Should Russia pursue its war with impunity, it will invariably lead to the destabilization of the entire Caucasus region with disastrous consequences for decades to come. No new democracy will be safe or able to thrive on Russia?s borders.

This is a critical moment for Western policy toward Russia. Do we allow a Russian military victory in Georgia, which will only embolden Russian militarism and further weaken democratic forces in Russia, or do we take the proper action that will reinforce democracy and international law?

The Georgian Association appeals to the US government to:

* demand from Russia immediate and unconditional withdrawal of its troops from Georgian territory;

* take the diplomatic lead and dispatch US envoys to the EU, Russia and Georgia to coordinate international action;
* demand immediate ceasefire and the end of Russian air raids against Georgian cities and towns;
* facilitate the establishment of a new international peacekeeping regime in the Georgian region of South Ossetia to replace the existing format.

If Russia fails to cooperate and continues the aerial bombardment campaign of Georgia and the occupation of its territory, the international community must take decisive actions including measures to ensure comprehensive diplomatic isolation of Russia. This is a crucial moment for Western powers and the Georgian Association hopes that both the USA and EU clearly recognize the grave danger that the Russian military aggression poses to international peace and security as well as political stability of Europe.

The Georgian Association in the USA, Inc.

My answer:

I am really glad you are safe and I hope all your loved once in Georgia are also in a safe place.

I am really sorry to be saying this, but I felt very hurt by the statement following your email. I would try to explain why: I have been watching both the Russian media as well as the Western one, unfortunately I don't speak Georgian, so that I would be able to follow their version of the story as well.
I believe the truth is somewhere in the middle.
I felt hurt because the statement following your email according to my point of view is very one sided, demonizing Russia and its actions in Georgia. Of course I might be blind for many things since you have been in Tbilisi yourself, but in such situations I feel that it is not fair to demonize or praise one of the sides.

I felt it is important to share this with you since one of the most important things I learned being in leadership positions in AIESEC is to always seek for the other point of view, no matter how much the truth hurts.

Disclaimer
I am really glad the fight is over. I don't really care who started it. What I care that there are over 34 000 refugees (out of 100 000 officially living in South Ossetia), over 2000 civil citizens killed, cities in ruins, people who have been living in fear...

30 things to do before you get 30

2008-08-12T14:58:00.003+01:00

Found here

Bold is what I have already done :)

1. Buy a one way ticket overseas

2. Borrow your nephews and nieces or friends' kids for a weekend and take them to the zoo - children are too young as of now

3. Blow a week's wages on dinner for two at a restaurant where the prices aren't even listed on the menu

4. Have a one night stand with an attractive stranger you met at a party - done several times...

5. March for a cause you believe in - do Global Villages count?

6. Move out of home and live in a share house - I moved out from home when I was 14

7. Run a marathon - or if that's too daunting, do a fun run

8. Invent your own cocktail - the consequences were terrible

9. Learn a language - I speak two extra to my native one :)

10. Get a Brazilian wax - once

11. Have sex in the open air - once

12. Read the collected works of an author you love - Oscar Wilde, O.Henry, Elin Pelin, Yordan Yovkov, and some more

13. Get a letter to the editor published in your local newspaper

14. See the Aurora Borealis.

15. Try base jumping or another extreme sport - is fishing an extreme sport?

16. Bluff your way into a glamorous job you're totally unqualified for

17. Join a political party and hand out how to vote cards on election day - planning to do so in the next 2 years, after I am back to Bulgaria

18. Get involved in a team sport - volleyball for nearly 7 years

19. Do a road trip with a bunch of mates in a dodgy car

20. Survive a flight on a third world airline - I believe the TU-154 and the IL I flew with Aeroflot several times where scary enough

21. Find the love of your life - what exactly is this?

22. Lose the love of your life - I am not sure if he was the love of my life, but...

23. Skinny dip in the ocean at midnight under a full moon with a group of friends

24. See the sun rise after an all night rave

25. Go to a gay bar - if you're straight

26. Go hiking in Bhutan

27. Do a ten day yoga retreat - planning to do so next summer

28. Make a fool out of yourself at a karaoke bar - Alyssa's place is counted as smth more than karaoke bar :)

29. Plant a tree for the environment - done when I was 8 :)

30. Get fake ID saying you're 21

War and peace

2008-08-08T20:32:00.002+01:00

When in ancient Greece the Olympic games were starting all wars and trade was put on hold for the time the games were going.

I have been watching ORT or Channel 1 or the Russian state TV that instead of showing news from Beijing is showing the war in South Osetia. If you don't know yet, yes, according to the Russian TV there is a war there, according to BBC there are only tanks going in there.

This is one of the moments when you start to understand "the big and untouchable" Russian soul. They feel offended and angry to the whole world because there is a war going on and not a single Western European media is interested in their point of view...

I have no idea what is the whole story around South Osetia, according to ORT there are Russian citizens dying, they showed the capital.

According to me there are people dying, no matter whose citizens.

According to me I was one of the 4 billion watching the Olympics opening on TV.

According to me there is a mistake somewhere: how come we manifest that the whole world (or at least 205 countries that are participating in the Games) is going to celebrate the Olympic philosophy of "good sportsmanship, sense of fair play, and respect for fellow athletes that is developed through participation in sports teaches men and women of different races, religions, and nationalities to work peacefully together in competition toward common goals. The Olympic Movement works to expand such lessons beyond the sports arena in the hope of promoting peace and a sense of brotherhood throughout the world." and on the very same day another two countries will start killing its own people?

2008-08-06T14:37:00.001+01:00

I first wrote Miss you, than added both, than added a lot.

Went out, cried and smoked.

Notes to self

2008-08-06T12:40:00.002+01:00

1. Believe.
Never stop believing. In everyone and everything and most important in myself.

2. Have confidence.
Believe in myself. I have the most amazing friends, the most amazing opportunities and I am generally lucky in life. I have done great things and there are even greater things I can do.

3. Don't take myself too seriously
What I am doing and who I am is important, but so is everyone and everything else around me.

4. Smile
This might be the last time you see someone and I think it is a good idea for them to remember me like someone smiling

5. Stay positive
It's just can't rain all the time...

A dream

2008-08-05T15:19:00.003+01:00

I know physics has not been the favourite subject to too many of you, but I also know that I had a Physics teacher who made me eat the whole text book in my last year at school. I generally wanted to tell you about this.

These are pictures of the LHC or Large Hadron Collider ( I know you don't know what it is. Google it :).

This HUGE thing was built for one simple reason: to collide particles that are invisible, untouchable, etc. with the hope to find another particle that people believe exists, but nobody has seen or proven to exist.

I call this a place where dreams come true. This is where I would love to work: in a place where dreaming and believing is essential...

My friends

2008-08-05T10:13:00.002+01:00

After one week with no mobile or internet, in the silence of the mountains, coming back sunburnt and only talking to myself and my parents, I king of reluctantly opened my mail box...

I did it just to realize that my everyday and tomorrow has now become a yesterday. The people that I used to see and talk to everyday are now far away, and are just lines on gtalk, skype and status updates on FB. I know what you are doing and how you feel not because I talk to you, but because I saw your FB updates/pictures/messages.

Being online and having those applications makes it very easy to keep in touch and get reconnected to people lost a long time ago, but it also makes it very easy to get disconnected from the real world and real people. I have 122 unread blog entries from different people I feel important and close and I want to know what is happening in their lives. As well as I have 1220 not written and not made phone calls to really ask you how are you doing.

I don't want to spend hours in front of the laptop, I want to spend hours talking to you and being with you, drinking wine/tea/coffe/water, laughing and feeling the magic of reconnecting...

You only think FB anf gtalk gives you time... We have all the time in the world for the important things in our lives. I do believe in this. I believe in the fact that there is always time for work and always time for one important friend call. Everyday.

Hugs,
I

Everyday

2008-07-17T21:40:00.004+01:00

Insincerity and the lack of the ability to understand what another person is feeling makes me want to scream!

Not that I am the greatest in understanding what other people feel, but I at least know how to take care of others. And now writing this I just remembered one of my weakest competencies is awareness of others. Bullshit! I care about people in a different way that you might not necessarily understand. I am tough on people and I have no explanation about it. You might have your theory.

My theory is you should take care every day: when was the last time you called your grandmother? when was the last time you sent a postcard to your favourite school teacher? when was the last time you cooked a dinner for someone? when was the last time you said to someone sitting next to you in the office he/she looks fabulous today?

Don't be scared to show your love and appreciation. I believe that those feelings make the world better. There is enough disdain and hatred in the world to allow a smile and a good feeling just to go away like this. And when you do good things, they always come back to you...

Today instead of writing a facebook message to say Happy Birthday to someone pick up the phone and call them. I am sure it will bring a much larger smile on theri face and they will remember it for a while.

To Marjam, p.s. I miss you

2008-07-17T21:28:00.000+01:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

The good news...or happiness is a state of mind

2008-07-09T21:36:00.003+01:00

I remember one of the first things that struck me about Ivan is the way he is positive about things... always... I really mean always. It is somehow very hard to be negative and bitchy around such a person - you feel uncomfortable right away.

This is one of the things that have changed in me this year. Don't start laughing. No, I have not become the most positve person in the world, but I have started looking at things in a much more positve way.

And I was watching the news tonight with my father until after 15 minutes I realized that I wanted to say: "So what is the good news for tonight?". I mean all of us we read newspapers, or news portals, or watch the news or read blogs or we find a way to know what is happening in the world. So how many of you can say they heard the good news yesterday?

People tend to focus on things that are going wrong, on things that are influencing them negativly. I am not saying that we should not be objective about thigns happening around us, but in everything there are always two sides and there is a good news everyday.

Something interesting: if you have the opprotunity to open a Soviet newspaper from the time of WWII or Bulgarian one from 70s-80s there is something you will notice right away: the good news is on every single page. Non matter how hard the times of the WWII were for the USSR - there was always a good news.

The good news gives people hope and optimism, the good news inspires others to do big things and change things around.

And the good news is actually everywhere. We just tend not to see it. The good news is that we are healthy, that we live in a safe and healthy environment, that we are loved, that there is at least one person who thinks about us before going to bed, that we actually do have the opportunity to live our lifes the way we want them to be lived.

What would happen if at least for one week we hear at least three good news per day and we recognize the fact that we have heard those good news? I think we might start living a much more interesting and happier life...

Sonnet XVII, Pablo Neruda

2008-07-08T15:19:00.002+01:00

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

What is love? And how do you define love? And how do you know you are in love? And how do you look for your love? Is it possible to have "the love of my life"? And how do you fall in love? And when do you know is the limit between I like you and I want to have sex with you and I want us to be together and I love you, I care about you and you are a friend of mine.

Theoratically speaking the difference is only the physical fact of being together/having sex... I was reading today different things online (and here Geri starts laughing... yes, I just googled what is love :)). And I think I am almost right: here is what I found here

Love can be viewed triangularly. There are three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?

So my theory is somehow right: there is no line between loving your friends and caring about them and being in love with someone, wanting to be with that person, being truly interested in him/her.

And more thing I discovered recently and I was kind of shocked. The way I fall in love/the stages I go through are: I am interested in you -> I like talking to you and spending time with you ->I want to know more about you -> I am physically attracted by you.

The other two people I was sharing this with had exactly the opposite way I am physically attracted by you -> I want to know more about you ->I like talking to you and spending time with you. Or is it just the fact that the other two were guys?

And here is something I wrote to a friend some time ago...

I can't stop loving my friends, just because they are always there, no matter how rarely I see them, or how rarely we talk, when I meet them it feels like yesterday. And I know that those people will be always there for me, just because I do love them, just because they are important part of my life, past, present or future. Why do we ignore so many things that happen on our way, so many people we meet. Why do we ignore the opportunity to get to know them and fall in love with them, for a life-time. Why do we miss the opportunity to know that there will be always someone who is thinking about us from time to time. They say that I am not a people person but I am. It takes time to get to know me. But I really do care about the most important people in my life - people I have shared dear moments, people I have shared parts of my past, and who are there to shape my future. People who will support me in everything I am doing, people who will care to send a greeting, or just to say hi. We ignore so many simple things in our lives, Like smiling to strangers, saying How are you? and really mean it, caring, taking someone out for lunch at busiest time during the day, just sending nice greetings. Why are we so much afraid of other people's love for us?Why do we get so scared and we run away when other people show appreciation?I do believe that the feelings of each person have the right to exist, and each feeling of love and appreciation should not be ignored, because it makes the world a better place.

CEE the difference? :)

2008-07-07T09:32:00.002+01:00

7th of July, 2008

create your personalized map of europe
or check out our Barcelona travel guide

7th of July, 2007

create your personalized map of europe

2008-07-05T14:34:00.002+01:00

confessions, thoughts, smiles, stolen moments, principles, now without tomorrow or a yesterday, nights, streets bridges, randomness, happiness, Haje, Masters, buses, night buses, morning buses, enjoying the view, last moments, smiles, emotions and questions without answers,
now
now
now

The longest good bye

2008-06-29T09:48:00.002+01:00

I was going through pictures and generally enjoying the silence and emptiness of the AI office this
morning.

This year has been about: closing circles, traveling, high-heeled shoes, emotions, tears, happiness, feeling great and feeling down, happiness and big dreams, friends, new friends, good friends, old friends, 20 countries (when in total I have been to 21 in my life), growing and daring, bus-stations, airports, train-stations, appreciation, doing things just because, getting drunk and being sorry about it, getting drunk and not being sorry about it, learning how to express emotions, learning how to appreciate myself, shutting up and getting up, running and going even when it hurt so much.

There are no words to express how grateful I am to all the many people I met on my way, how lucky I am to have had all those amazing conversations, experiences.

There is just THANK YOU. Nothing else. And I could not even say properly bye to everyone today just because there are no words to describe the feelings (and I am generally in life bad in describing feelings).

And the best part is that now I can take those experiences and learn from them further in life.

Good morning world! I am ready to go.

The name...

2008-06-24T20:38:00.002+01:00

I am shocked and simply stunned... not that I have not been sitting all day on the places for disabled people in the airport (nobody is sitting here anyways!)... but this was even beyond MY imagination.

Here comes an old lady with a big suitcase and starts speaking to me in half Russian, half English, I switch off my movie and try to understand what is she saying. When I finally realize that she is asking me if we can change places since she wants to change her shoes... whatever. I change places and peacefully continue watching my movie... but NO! She wants to TALK! First she asks what am I watching.

Than she asks how much my TV (!!! obviously she meant the laptop) costs. Than every 10 min she is asking me where am I from, what am I doing here, where do I work, how much is my salary, etc...

Than she finally falls asleep and 1 hour she wakes up with a crucial question: what time is my flight! I say 7 am and here comes the best part: she says: "But you know, I am planning to sleep on this bench and you will have to find another place, because I need to stretch my feet!"

Well, I was planning to sleep on that bench as well, but I could have found a comfortable place somewhere at an abandoned check-in desk (the secret is the plagues :)) and I am quite ready since I have a sleeping bag etc, but after she told me that I need to go and find myself a new place, I just put on another movie and continues watching.

I am sorry, but I do have respect for older people. This was a matter of respect generally in life. It doesn't matter how much older you are, you just don't go and tell someone to go and find another place in the airport, especially when there are very few benches!!!

Anyways, she wen somewhere. I guess looking for another companion...

Stories

2008-06-17T11:03:00.002+01:00

I believe that each person has an interesting story to be told as well as I believe the feelings of each person has the right to exist. Since each feeling of love and appreciation makes the world a better.

You might have heard of Pangea Day and the idea of gathering movies from all over the world to show that we are all the same and we all have the same feelings, fears and thoughts.

I personally missed the live edition of it, but since we are living in the wonderful 21st century of technology :) now you can watch Pangea Day again :) here.

And through the Pangea webpage I stumbled upon another project 6 Billion others, which absolutely amazing and full of stories and thoughts. Watch here.

Yes, I know it is Tuesday lunch, but life is about doing the things you enjoy.